Adventures in Parenting Evan

Our Evan
Photo by Alex Sears

All three of my children have impacted who I am, the way I think, and view the world. But this kooky little character who came along most unexpectedly in my forties, well, he is the daily twist in my life plot. Let me illustrate for you. Here’s a glimpse into just one day with my five-year old, Evan.

Morning:

This kid doesn’t just wake up. He bolts upright and out of bed like he’s been shot from a cannon. I hear his thunderous footsteps throughout the house. He is not just awake, but instantly on fire for life.

Late morning:

He’s alone in his room, lining up his stuffed animals as contestants on Wheel of Fortune. He is Pat Sajak.

Lunch:

At a restaurant, he orders a hamburger. My child has shunned all meat since he was born, never tried it, even as an infant.

“A hamburger?” I ask, “But you’ve never eaten a hamburger before. Are you sure?”

“Mommy, you told me it’s good to try new things, so today I want to try a hamburger. I LOVE hamburgers!”

So we order him one. When it comes, he takes the top bun off and says, “What’s that brown thing?”

“That’s a hamburger, honey.”

“No, I mean this round brown thing in the middle- what is it?”

“It’s hamburger meat.”

“I don’t want the brown thing, just the hamburger.”

So he takes the brown thing off and proceeds to eat his “hamburger” – two white bread buns with nothing on them.

Afterward we go to the library to drop off an overdue book, and make a quick bathroom trip. On the way out, the librarian, who knows us, asks if she can find Evan anything special today. She knows he’s a big geography buff, and usually asks for atlases, or foreign language books.

“No, thanks” he said as we walked out. But then he says he wants to go back and tell her something really important. He ran back like he had the biggest news in the world.

“Excuse me, Ma’am?” (He knows good manners always get full attention)

“Yes, Sweetie?”

He says, LOUDLY, “I just wanted to tell you we only came to the library today because my Mom had to pee.”

Outside the library, Evan stops at the wishing well. He drops his penny in with a wide-eyed look and a big smile.

“What did you wish for, Ev?”

“I wished I was made out of honey so I could lick myself!”

Afternoon:

We stop at Toy’s R Us, as I promised to buy him a toy he’d earned by getting gold stars on his “no nail biting” chart. He decided on a Power Rangers “Samuraizer”.  He was giddy to open the package in the car. As I freed the “Samuraizer” from it’s packaging he twiddles his fingers and says, “Come to Papa, Samuraizer!”

Bedtime:

I read him his story, tuck him in, and turn out the light. Just as he’s dozing off, he calls me.

“Mommy?”

“Yes?”

Eyes still closed…”You should get pajama jeans,” he said groggily.

(muffling giggle) “Really, why’s that?”

“Because they’re so…(zzz)… comfortable, you’ll want to wear them..(yawn)  all the time.”

“Okay honey. I’ll give that some thought. Good night.”

Zzzzzzzz….

(He was even a funny baby- see pics below)

Evan started walking at 9 months, when he was barely bigger than a wine bottle. I'm not going to explain why he's walking around with a wine bottle. 

We call this pic "Sticker shock"...Only 2 bucks?? No way!