After I was fired last June from Moms Demand Action, I began
to pray and envision every day that I would one day work in gun violence
prevention for a great organization, and that I would actually be appreciated for the
work I do. And that is exactly what happened. Look what
is written every month on my paycheck:
Do I believe that prayer has power? You bet I do. You can
call it intent, or affirmation …but whatever you call it, it works.
Here’s another example. Back in 2003, I wrote on a post-it
note, “I am now open to the possibility of all my wildest dreams coming true.”
You might think, well, yeah…who wouldn’t be? But I think that subconsciously,
most of us aren’t. We are afraid of change, or maybe we feel we don’t deserve
it. For me, I was so familiar with struggle, subconsciously I didn’t really
believe it was my destiny to be happy. So when I wrote this post-it, I remember
feeling giddy – because I really meant it – and I knew I was throwing a door
wide open. I put the note up on my bathroom mirror where I could see it every
morning. That year, I found my biological father. I had thought he was dead. I
also found out I had three brothers. This was beyond my wildest dreams…beyond
my wildest imaginings.
It was the author Mary Karr (The Liar’s Club) that got me back on my knees. While I was reading
her memoir Lit, her story about
getting sober and finding her faith again, I was going through a really hard
time in my own life. I was broke, struggling, fighting a terrible court battle
and my family was in shambles. Karr wrote about how prayer turned her whole
life around. I figured I had nothing to lose. I started praying daily, and sure
enough, all the jagged pieces began to sift back into place. Unlike Karr, who
is Catholic, I don’t pray to a patriarchal version of God. I don’t believe God
is separate from me - out there somewhere judging my every move. My prayer
begins by acknowledging the Creative loving spirit that made me and that I am
part of. I attempt to feel my connectedness to everyone and everything, and I
set my intent for that day. I ask for help, while believing that help is
already provided, also believing that everything that happens in my life is for
the betterment of my soul.
I can’t define what I believe about God. My father is a
Baptist preacher, my daughter is half-Jewish, and I think I believe most in the
tenets of Buddhism…but what I do feel sure of is that putting my faith in love
and goodness has never steered me wrong. So I will continue to pray in the name
of love, goodness and a great creative spirit, and I will put a new post-it on
my mirror today:
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I love hearing your point of view- thank you for taking the time to comment and be part of the conversation!
love,
Hollye