What I'm Giving Up

When I feel stuck in life, sometimes the simple act of letting go of old things, cleaning out a desk drawer, my closet, or my purse (which is a cry for help right now) can provide a feeling of relief. It seems to magically create a vacuum in my life, making room for new possibilities. But emotional clutter is another issue. 

All the self-help books tell us that the past does not define the future, the wake does not drive the boat, etc. But most of us hold on to things from the past, which keeps us rooted there. We don’t open that “drawer in our head” often enough, and soon we’ve got a jumbled head full of old beliefs and stories that no longer serve us. Or maybe that’s just me. Just like my closet, I need to do an inner purge now and then.

In order to make room for peace, harmony, and balance in my life, these are the things I’m giving up:

Resentment

If I’m feeling resentment, this means I’ve taken on too much, haven’t set limits or healthy boundaries, and now I’m frustrated with a situation I helped create. I can either accept the situation I’ve chosen and find gratitude for it, or I can change it and choose something different. I am gladly giving up resentment, and making room for gratitude.

My Old Story

I grew up the daughter of a convict and a single mom who worked nights in a bar, we used food stamps to buy our groceries and blah, blah, blah. I’ve already lived that story. It held me down long enough. I wrote the memoir. Wrote the essays. The story is over. I don’t want, nor need, to live it any longer. Buh-bye old story. I’m making room for a new story.

Feelings of Worthlessness

Those are going out along with the old story. Period.

I’m making room to step into my full value as a human being.

Shame

Co-authoring Dancing at the Shame Prom changed me in so many positive ways. It really helped me to shed a lot of that old shame. But shame is sneaky. It finds new and different ways to lurk into my psyche: money-shame, aging-shame, body-image shame. Once again, I'm kicking it to the curb, making room for self-acceptance.

Struggle

I have struggled a lot in my life. I’ve struggled financially. I’ve struggled for justice. I’ve struggled in family relationships. But recently, while teaching my son how to swim, I learned something. He was struggling in the water, exerting so much energy while going nowhere, eventually sinking. I kept telling him, “Just relax and let your body float. The water will support you.” And bingo- I made the connection. Stop struggling and float. Let the Universe support me. I’m letting go of struggle to make room for peace.

Writing helps a lot with emotional purging, which is why I’ve always kept a journal. But when writing it out isn’t enough, I pray. I pray for help in letting old beliefs go. Whether I believe in God (I do) or religion (not so much) doesn’t really matter. Words and intention hold great power. Simply stating that I want to give something up (on a daily basis) has changed me greatly.

I’m making room in my life for love, goodness, miracles, joy, and passion.

What are you willing to give up today? What are you making room for? I’d love to hear about it. 

 

Imagine the possibilities...

Metamorphosis and Metaphor

Spring, my favorite time of year, is a time of rebirth, a time of awakening, of new growth. A hopeful crocus pokes it’s head above the snow. Fields of flowers appear overnight, seedpods burst open. A caterpillar emerges from its chrysalis as if to say- “Look at me! I begin again- I am alive!”

Two weeks ago, Evan and I adopted a caterpillar from Kidspace, a local children’s science center. It’s been quite an exciting experience for us to watch “Tiny”, who started out smaller than a grain of rice, rapidly outgrow his name, becoming a pudgy wriggling 2 inch caterpillar. Yesterday, we awoke to find Tiny encased in a chrysalis. Inside, his former self melts away as a new being is formed. In a matter of days, he will emerge from his Chrysalis and unfurl his wings.

Every stage of Tiny’s short life has been fascinating for Evan, and metaphoric for me.

Our traditions at this time of Spring equinox, from the biblical tales of Passover to Jesus’ resurrection, to symbols of birth and new beginnings (rabbits, eggs) remind us that it’s time for our own new beginnings. It’s my time to find redemption for the ways I was broken, to emerge from my own self-made chrysalis and stretch my wings.

For the first thirty years of my life, I hid the story of who I was: the daughter of a convict, raised by a single mom who worked nights in dark, smoky nightclubs. I was the little girl lost, the runaway, the bird with a broken wing. In my forties, I wrapped myself in the chrysalis of introspection, immersed myself in my own unraveling. I wrote a book embracing the truth of who I was and where I came from, allowing the old me to melt away with every word.

As Tiny sheds his chrysalis, I, too, want to shed what I have wrapped myself in for so long.

I want to see what color I am now without that old story wrapped around me. I want to let my true self emerge, the self that has no scars or history, the self that embraces all possibility. I want to leave behind the cocoon of limiting beliefs and self-defeating patterns. I want to let go of my past and let my wings unfurl.

Like Tiny, I want to be light, like the butterfly who rises above, spends her days moving from flower to flower, pollinating the garden, helping new things to grow.

My heart is ripe for a Spring awakening. During this time of rebirth and redemption, I open myself to new beginnings full of possibility.

I wish the same for you...

Happy Easter, Happy Passover, Happy Spring to all!

UPDATE: Today, April 14th, Evan's caterpillar Tiny emerged from the chrysalis!