Funny Dark Squiggles

"A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic." - Carl Sagan 

Books are what have saved me through out my life. During my tumultuous childhood they were my escape.  In my darkest times, they've guided me. When I was lost, mentors appeared in the form of authors.

I never imagined I would be one of those voices,  never thought my ideas or stories would be of interest to anyone but me. But now I know that every human being has a rich and important story that needs to be shared, and that through sharing our truth, we liberate each other. This is the goal Amy and I have with Dancing at the Shame Prom- that every person who reads it will walk away feeling lighter, feeling connected to others, and less alone in the world.

When I began writing decades ago, it was purely therapeutic. I never intended to publish or share with anyone. Eventually I was nudged by friends, teachers, and my husband to put my work out into the world. There have been countless times during my writing years where I felt my work was pointless.But in the past month, I've had a couple experiences that have shown me how important it is for me, and for all of us, to share our stories.

In January I received a letter from a gentleman in Saudi Arabia referring to a story I wrote in The Power of Positive. The story is about Evan, then four years old, who taught me the importance of perseverance. This gentleman, Hamsa, who has a daughter the same age as Evan, was so inspired by the story, he translated it into Arabic and emailed it to all his friends. This is one of the reasons I like to write for the Chicken Soup series. First, they are a group of positive, kind people, and with their incredible circulation, an un-famous author like me can connect with people all over the world that I wouldn't normally reach.

The second nod from the universe came when I attended my first gun regulation meeting with Moms Demand Action. The L.A. Chapter leader got up and introduced herself, and then told us that she'd been faced with so many challenges in trying to start the L.A. group  she was going to quit. But then she said she'd read my blog A Single Bullet, and knew she had to keep going.  I had no idea she'd read my blog. I'd never even met her before.

This is the magic that Carl Sagan spoke of. That one person's story could give another the hope they need to push on. That in spite of thousands of miles and oceans and the cultural differences that divide us, a writer in Los Angeles can find common ground with a father in Saudi Arabia through a series of funny dark squiggles on paper.

A few weeks ago, I was at the San Miguel Writer's Conference, where Amy and I moderated the Women Write Their Lives panel, encouraging others to write their truth. Truth resonates...and as each woman on our panel spoke hers, you could see people in the audience with tears in their eyes. They needed to hear these women's stories, and we need to hear theirs.

Women Write Their Lives Panel: Samantha Dunn, Brooke Elise Axtell, Sarah Stonich, Laura Davis,Amy Ferris, Hollye Dexter, Suzanne Braun LevineTracy J. Thomas, Brooke Warner

Our stories connect us at the most human place. Your stories, my stories, every story matters. You don't have to be a writer to share your stories, but please share them. Tell them, sing them, paint them, pass them down. You never have any idea how another person might be transformed by your truth.

So go on - put some funny dark squiggles on paper. Work some magic....

Setting Intention for 2013

There’s a saying that however you spend New Year’s Eve will set the tone for the rest of the year. If that’s true, I’m screwed, since I rang in 2013 alone with the stomach flu. So far, the first week of 2013 has brought only disappointments and cancelled plans, and I was starting to feel superstitious. 

But then I remembered how terribly  2012 started out. On New Years Eve last year, our dear friend Susie’s son Gabriel, only 22 years old, died. We began the year in mourning, and sitting shiva. After making the three hour drive home from Gabriel's funeral, I got on the computer to check my email, which was when my daughter-in-law messaged to tell me that, basically, she and my grandson would not be returning from their visit to Japan. Ever. The next day, Troy and the entire Wilson Phillips band was let go by new management (so they could hire a “TV-ready band” for the new Wilson Phillips reality show). All in the first week of 2012.

But I know that what you focus on expands, and I didn’t want to focus on the negatives.

So I scooped myself up off the floor, got back on my proverbial horse, and made a vision board. I decided if 2012 were a proverbial horse, I was not going to be dragged behind it, hanging on for dear life. I was going to get up in that saddle and ride that biatch.

Let me tell you, intention is a powerful thing. Words have power. Stating your desires sets things in motion. First, Wilson Phillips fought their management and got Troy back in the band. Next, my son Taylor went to Japan for three weeks to try to bring his wife and child back. (He returned alone, but he made some progress in building a bridge.) Life was still a whirling, unstable fright-fest, but I stayed focused on my intentions, and things began to shift.

These were the intentions on my vision board:

To live in truth. Before you know it, Amy Ferris and I were being booked to teach workshops, helping others to live in and write their own truth.

Be a voice for those who have no voice. When Dancing at the Shame Prom was released in September, we became a voice for more people than we ever could have imagined. I also had a story published in the Power of Positive, which brought me responses from people all over the world, even Saudi Arabia where my story had been translated into Arabic and shared through email.

To finish my second memoir. I worked my ass off five days a week all year long and by the end of summer completed the book I’d started writing in 2010, What Doesn’t Kill You.

Romance and Travel to exotic places: Troy was able to come with me when I taught in San Miguel de Allende, which, by the way, is one of the most romantic cities in the world. I also tagged along on tour with him to California’s wine country and Seattle.

Answered Prayers: All year long, my daily prayer was to have our grandson back in our life. In October, Troy got a gig in the Phillipines performing with Wilson Phillips, and was able to fly to Japan (for free!) to be with our grandson.

Peace, health, love: I’d say these things were in abundance this year.

Anyhow, you get the idea. I stepped out of fear and into possibility, and while it didn’t solve all my problems, many positive things began to take hold in my life. All in all, 2012 was a year of huge miracles, huge losses, huge challenges, huge love and huge successes. It was a huge year.

So listen up, first week of 2013, you don’t scare me. I’m onto you. You come on tough, but I’m tougher. I have big plans for us this year, year of the snake or not. So look out because tonight, I’m making my vision board!

 

5 SIMPLE RULES OF HAPPINESS

Riding bikes at the beach makes me happy, and it's free.

It’s day 10 of my 21-day meditation challenge, and I’m feeling great. As always, when I meditate, inspired thoughts come to me, as do all the positive thoughts that I know to be true, but sometimes forget. For instance, these simple rules of happiness. 

Confession: I am a happiness junkie. For many years, I suffered with anxiety , PTSD, and depression, so in trying to dig myself out of the hole, I read countless books on happiness, written by the world’s best thinkers: The Dalai Lama, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, and even pop-culture happiness books, like The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Through all of those books, these are the messages that have stuck with me, rules, that when I’ve followed them have proved to be absolutely true. Here is what I know will make me happy:

FOLLOW THE GOLDEN RULE 

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

If you want love, be loving. First to your self then to others.

If you want gratitude, be gracious. First to your self then to others.

If you want recognition, acknowledge your self and others for the strides you’ve made. 

If you want to be valued, be valuable.

If you want to be understood, seek to understand others.

If you want success, be happy for others’ successes. Note: Never be jealous of others’ good fortune. Instead see their victories as what is possible for you and for everyone, and be grateful to them for showing YOU what can be done

If you want kindness, be kind. First to your self then to others.

I remember once I had finished loading groceries into my trunk, and as I went to return my shopping cart to the front of the store, an older woman watching me said, “You are a good person” I smiled and thanked her as I walked away, but in that moment I was teary-eyed. I know she was making a comment about my returning the cart, but those simple words were so healing to me, and just what I needed to hear that day. This was years ago and I have never forgotten it. Just a few small, kind words can stay with someone forever. So please, say a few kind words…to yourself, and to others, every day.

MAKE GOOD CHOICES:

Ask yourself before you make a choice, will it make me happy? Will it bring happiness to those around me? If not, then please, don’t do it.

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY:

Make a list of the things that make you happy. Go on…do it. Don’t stop writing until you can’t think of anything else. Post it where you can see it every day.

Now do at least one of those things every day. Put it in your calendar if you have to. Reach out to a friend to keep you accountable to it. But do the things that make you happy.

DON’T DO WHAT MAKES YOU UNHAPPY:

There are certain self-destructive behaviors we all participate in: binge eating, drinking to excess, gossiping, judging others, negative self-talk…

We do them because they bring a fleeting moment of satisfaction, but never do they bring happiness to us, nor to others. In fact, they ultimately bring deep unhappiness. The next time you get the urge to do one of these self-defeating behaviors, STOP- and replace it with one of the things from your happiness list.

LIVE IN TRUTH:

I will end this with my favorite quote from Mahatma Ghandi:

 “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

Living in truth is living in harmony. Be true to yourself. Be true to who you are. Speak the truth- always. Live your truth.

To sum it up - GIVE what ever it is that you want to receive. Be good to yourself and to others, steer clear of negativity, live in truth, and I promise, you will feel happy.

*For more inspiration- read  The Power of Positive, which includes my essay, "Chutes and Ladders" --a story about the power of perseverance and overcoming adversity told through the eyes of my (then) four-year old child, Evan.