5 SIMPLE RULES OF HAPPINESS

Riding bikes at the beach makes me happy, and it's free.

It’s day 10 of my 21-day meditation challenge, and I’m feeling great. As always, when I meditate, inspired thoughts come to me, as do all the positive thoughts that I know to be true, but sometimes forget. For instance, these simple rules of happiness. 

Confession: I am a happiness junkie. For many years, I suffered with anxiety , PTSD, and depression, so in trying to dig myself out of the hole, I read countless books on happiness, written by the world’s best thinkers: The Dalai Lama, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, and even pop-culture happiness books, like The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Through all of those books, these are the messages that have stuck with me, rules, that when I’ve followed them have proved to be absolutely true. Here is what I know will make me happy:

FOLLOW THE GOLDEN RULE 

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

If you want love, be loving. First to your self then to others.

If you want gratitude, be gracious. First to your self then to others.

If you want recognition, acknowledge your self and others for the strides you’ve made. 

If you want to be valued, be valuable.

If you want to be understood, seek to understand others.

If you want success, be happy for others’ successes. Note: Never be jealous of others’ good fortune. Instead see their victories as what is possible for you and for everyone, and be grateful to them for showing YOU what can be done

If you want kindness, be kind. First to your self then to others.

I remember once I had finished loading groceries into my trunk, and as I went to return my shopping cart to the front of the store, an older woman watching me said, “You are a good person” I smiled and thanked her as I walked away, but in that moment I was teary-eyed. I know she was making a comment about my returning the cart, but those simple words were so healing to me, and just what I needed to hear that day. This was years ago and I have never forgotten it. Just a few small, kind words can stay with someone forever. So please, say a few kind words…to yourself, and to others, every day.

MAKE GOOD CHOICES:

Ask yourself before you make a choice, will it make me happy? Will it bring happiness to those around me? If not, then please, don’t do it.

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY:

Make a list of the things that make you happy. Go on…do it. Don’t stop writing until you can’t think of anything else. Post it where you can see it every day.

Now do at least one of those things every day. Put it in your calendar if you have to. Reach out to a friend to keep you accountable to it. But do the things that make you happy.

DON’T DO WHAT MAKES YOU UNHAPPY:

There are certain self-destructive behaviors we all participate in: binge eating, drinking to excess, gossiping, judging others, negative self-talk…

We do them because they bring a fleeting moment of satisfaction, but never do they bring happiness to us, nor to others. In fact, they ultimately bring deep unhappiness. The next time you get the urge to do one of these self-defeating behaviors, STOP- and replace it with one of the things from your happiness list.

LIVE IN TRUTH:

I will end this with my favorite quote from Mahatma Ghandi:

 “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

Living in truth is living in harmony. Be true to yourself. Be true to who you are. Speak the truth- always. Live your truth.

To sum it up - GIVE what ever it is that you want to receive. Be good to yourself and to others, steer clear of negativity, live in truth, and I promise, you will feel happy.

*For more inspiration- read  The Power of Positive, which includes my essay, "Chutes and Ladders" --a story about the power of perseverance and overcoming adversity told through the eyes of my (then) four-year old child, Evan.

How To Be Happy (For No Good Reason)

On Thursday, as many of you know, we lost a second round of court battles for custody of our dog Stitch. After three years of fighting, fundraising, campaigning…you could say I was depressed. Extremely depressed, in fact.

The next morning, as I was driving to yoga, I was running the whole thing over in my mind. Why is this happening? What am I going to do? And there in front of me, a car had a bumper sticker which read, “Be persistent. PRESS ON.”  I knew it was the truth, but that truth was daunting to me. More fight. More legal bills. More court appearances. Add to that that we are simultaneously trying to figure out how to get our two-year old grandson (who was taken by his mother to Japan) back into our lives. I could barely hold my head up with the weight of all my worries.

That night, too exhausted to cook, Troy, Evan and I went out to dinner at a little hole in the wall Mexican joint we frequent. Our posture was slumped, our faces drawn, but our busboy cheerfully delivered water and greeted us with such exuberance we couldn’t help but smile back. In fact, all through our meal, Jose would breeze through with a big smile, refilling our waters, bringing us chips and salsa with a few kind words thrown in.

I was perplexed. In my mind I assessed (judged) his situation. I mean, here is this grey-haired guy in his sixties, working as a busboy at a Mexican restaurant in the Valley. How happy could he be? But he was, and just being around him throughout the meal, I felt my spirits lift a little.

As we were about to leave, I told him, “I’ve really enjoyed being around your happy attitude tonight. You’ve made our meal very pleasant.”

 “I’m olways heppy!” he said in a heavy accent.

“How?” I heard myself say, “I mean, how do you do it?”

He smiled, pointed to his head and said, “Jou decide.”

Troy shot me a knowing look.

In the Dalai Lama’s book, The Art of Happiness, he says more or less the same thing. Happiness is an attitude you cultivate. Challenges will come in life, but you can decide to be happy, anyway. The Dalai Lama says in order to achieve happiness: focus on the things that make you happy, and do those things. (Conversely, find the things that bring you unhappiness, and avoid those things.)

Simple enough, right? Ridiculously simple.

And yet how often I spend time lamenting over things that have happened in the past (like losing an appeal) or worrying about things that may happen in the future (like losing another appeal), when I could refocus my energy onto all I have to be grateful for right now. I can focus on the things that make me happy and do those things, no matter what other challenges come.

As Jose, our Dalai-Busboy said, “Every morning, jou wake up, you poot jour feet on the floor, say Gracias! Jou are alive!”

Wisdom is most often delivered when I least expect it. It can be in the form of a bumper sticker, or a cheerful busboy in Canoga Park. When I’m paying attention, the answers are there.

I’ve got a load of challenges on my plate right now, and at times they appear to be insurmountable, but I’ve also got choices in how I want to live.

I want to be happy.

I know that happiness, like a garden, must be cultivated. If my garden is choked with weeds, happiness can not thrive. It is my choice to weed out unhappiness, worry, negativity, and to nurture and water happiness.

Like my friend Jose said, “Jou decide…”

A Week Without Negativity- Did I Survive?

I’ve just completed a week-long Negativity-cleanse, in which I tuned out the news, didn’t watch any negative TV (no cable news or politics), didn’t listen to news on the radio.

All week I read positive, uplifting books and listened to music. I did yoga four times this week, kept my mind in a healthy place, ate healthy foods (no junk!) and didn’t participate in negative conversations. I slipped a few times, especially in the area of inner conversations in my own head. This was a great opportunity for me to see where I create my own negativity. But, I didn’t let it get me down. Each time I faltered, I got back on the horse and read my Dalai Lama book. I started every day by writing what I was grateful for, and then read several “good news stories” for inspiration. I took my laptop and worked outside in my yard, under the trees, rather than being hunched over a desk. I listened to music that inspired and uplifted me.

And I felt great!

This week, I felt at peace with everyone around me. I was more patient, even when Evan got squirelly. I slept sound every night. I felt happy, peaceful, centered.

I’ve decided I’m going to continue the negativity-fast. I know I can’t block out all news, but I don’t really need to know most of what the media blasts at me. I plan to be selective as to what I let inside my head. I’m pretty sure I don’t need to know any more about Jerry Sandusky or Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. I would rather read about new galaxies being discovered in the universe, cures being found for illnesses, people reaching out to help each other.

An interesting side note this week: since I started blogging about ridding negativity from my life, my blog readership dropped by about 70%. When I look at my blog statistics, my most popular blogs of all time are about the Northridge earthquake, my miscarriage, losing my trial, my grandson being taken to Japan, and posts about friends who have passed away. My many blog posts about miracles, lessons learned in crisis, finding hope in the darkness, etc…are the least popular. Hmmmm…

This may further prove my theory that we, as a society, are in fact addicted to negativity.

As with any kind of addiction, the first step is recognizing that we have a problem.

Here is some good news to help break the cycle: http://www.good.is/

Good news all over the world: http://www.goodworldnews.org/

Have a wonderful Sunday, everyone!

Will it Bring You Happiness?

The Dalai Lama says that before you make any decision in your life, you should ask yourself, Will it bring me happiness? 

We make decisions every day, often based on fear, avoiding pain or conflict, because we think it’s the “responsible” thing to do, because we feel obligated. But will it bring us happiness? 

A job may bring us security, the relationship an ego boost, the double scoop hot fudge sundae a moment of pleasure, the shopping spree a temporary thrill, the act of revenge a moment of satisfaction - but the question we need to be asking ourselves is- will it ultimately bring me happiness? If the answer is no, then why would we choose it?

So I’m adding another element to my experiment this week. Before making any decisions, I will stop and ask myself, Will it bring me happiness?

I am posting sticky notes everywhere in my house to remind me: on this computer, on my TV, on my front door, on the refrigerator. 

After several days of my Happiness experiment, I'm feeling optimistic. I'm sleeping great. I'm getting along with everyone around me. I'm walking taller. A girl could get used to this...