Faith Vs Common Sense

 "Faith is believing in something even when common sense tells you not to." 

- Maureen O'Hara,  Miracle on 34th Street

This Summer, in the midst of financial crisis that overwhelmed us, I knew we wouldn't  be doing anything for my "landmark" birthday in December. Common sense told me that that though I had set an intention for my family to travel this year,  there was no possible way. On top of that, three work trips I had booked for summer were cancelled. It just seemed to be the way my luck was going.

But then I decided to step out of my rut and change my perspective.

For the past several months I have prayed, meditated or journaled every day, and made a conscious choice to:
* keep my focus on what I want, instead of what I don't have.
* Feel gratitude for all the beauty in my life, instead of worrying about the things that were going wrong.
* Stay centered in who I am rather than letting negativity and rejection get the best of me.

Through daily meditation, I became a more patient mom. A happier, less overwhelmed wife. The brick walls that I kept hitting all year began to erode, and doors began to open.   In October, I was able to take the kids along on Troy's Wilson Phillips gigs in Vegas and Disneyworld, FLA.  We had two incredible family vacations full of happy memories. For free. 

Today is the final day of my most recent 21-Day Meditation Experiment. I'm centered. Positive. Hopeful. Oh,  and Troy and I are leaving for JAMAICA.  For FREE. And I'll wake up there on my birthday.

I won't say it's an outright miracle, but my life has definitely shifted since I changed my energy.

Here's how it happened. Recently we got a phone call from close friends of ours. Through their work, they were gifted an all inclusive, all-expenses-paid trip to Jamaica, but they didn't want to go (I know, I couldn't believe it either). They knew we loved Jamaica, so they gave the trip to us. And it just happens to be the week of my birthday.

My common sense did not see that coming. 

There really is something to the energy we create in our lives. Positive attracts positive, negative attracts negative. Meditation keeps me living in the positive, even when negative is whirling around me.

Whether or not there is any magic to it, I have seen logically that life just works better when I'm focused on the positive. So I will keep meditating, and keep my gratitude journal full. I will trust that things will work out, even when I can't see it in my own limited mind.

I will have faith, even when common sense tells me not to.

"I believe...I believe..."

Natalie Wood, Miracle on 34th Street

The 21-Day Meditation Challenge

"When your actions are inspired by love, you can do less and accomplish more because all of nature is held together by the nature of love."

 -Deepak Chopra

What do you think? True or not?

I'm willing to give it a try.

I signed up for Deepak Chopra's free 21-day meditation, along with several of my friends. Although I'm not new to meditation, I decided to take this challenge and journal about the changes I see in my life. I'm experimenting, approaching it like a scientist. Today was day 3,  and so far it feels great. I feel centered, calmer, and more at peace with everything that is swirling around me. This is a major bonus for me as I have to deliver a speech tomorrow at the Women's Leadership Legacy Conference. I am told it's sold out, and they are expecting 600 people. No pressure.

Let's see how meditating gets me through this, and through the everyday pressures of a 3 and 8 year old, my job with Moms Demand Action, and my writing and singing gigs. I've got a lot to balance right now, so I'm hoping if I keep myself heart-centered I'll glide through with less stress and struggle.

Most stress and struggle is in my head anyway- I do know that. I wrote about releasing struggle in "What I'm Giving Up."

If you want to try the meditation challenge, sign up for free. It's not too late to start. And if you miss a day, no worries. Just do what you can.
Chopra Center Meditation

Here is an excerpt from the thought for today:
"The Spiritual Law of Least Effort tells us that we can do less and accomplish more, an idea that seems at odds with what many of us have been taught throughout our lives. We’ve been told that success is the result of hard work, struggle, and sacrifice. Today we will tap into the ever present flow of natural ease that is available within, as we plant the seeds to live our destiny each and every day.

The universe has infinite organizing power, and as conscious beings, we have ready access to this realm simply by spending time in stillness and silence. The same consciousness that orchestrates the myriad rhythms of the whole world dwells within each of us. As we cultivate present moment awareness and remain open to the many opportunities life offers, we open to the power within us to realize all our dreams with effortless ease."

Wishing you all an effortless, love-centered day.

5 SIMPLE RULES OF HAPPINESS

Riding bikes at the beach makes me happy, and it's free.

It’s day 10 of my 21-day meditation challenge, and I’m feeling great. As always, when I meditate, inspired thoughts come to me, as do all the positive thoughts that I know to be true, but sometimes forget. For instance, these simple rules of happiness. 

Confession: I am a happiness junkie. For many years, I suffered with anxiety , PTSD, and depression, so in trying to dig myself out of the hole, I read countless books on happiness, written by the world’s best thinkers: The Dalai Lama, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, and even pop-culture happiness books, like The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Through all of those books, these are the messages that have stuck with me, rules, that when I’ve followed them have proved to be absolutely true. Here is what I know will make me happy:

FOLLOW THE GOLDEN RULE 

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

If you want love, be loving. First to your self then to others.

If you want gratitude, be gracious. First to your self then to others.

If you want recognition, acknowledge your self and others for the strides you’ve made. 

If you want to be valued, be valuable.

If you want to be understood, seek to understand others.

If you want success, be happy for others’ successes. Note: Never be jealous of others’ good fortune. Instead see their victories as what is possible for you and for everyone, and be grateful to them for showing YOU what can be done

If you want kindness, be kind. First to your self then to others.

I remember once I had finished loading groceries into my trunk, and as I went to return my shopping cart to the front of the store, an older woman watching me said, “You are a good person” I smiled and thanked her as I walked away, but in that moment I was teary-eyed. I know she was making a comment about my returning the cart, but those simple words were so healing to me, and just what I needed to hear that day. This was years ago and I have never forgotten it. Just a few small, kind words can stay with someone forever. So please, say a few kind words…to yourself, and to others, every day.

MAKE GOOD CHOICES:

Ask yourself before you make a choice, will it make me happy? Will it bring happiness to those around me? If not, then please, don’t do it.

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY:

Make a list of the things that make you happy. Go on…do it. Don’t stop writing until you can’t think of anything else. Post it where you can see it every day.

Now do at least one of those things every day. Put it in your calendar if you have to. Reach out to a friend to keep you accountable to it. But do the things that make you happy.

DON’T DO WHAT MAKES YOU UNHAPPY:

There are certain self-destructive behaviors we all participate in: binge eating, drinking to excess, gossiping, judging others, negative self-talk…

We do them because they bring a fleeting moment of satisfaction, but never do they bring happiness to us, nor to others. In fact, they ultimately bring deep unhappiness. The next time you get the urge to do one of these self-defeating behaviors, STOP- and replace it with one of the things from your happiness list.

LIVE IN TRUTH:

I will end this with my favorite quote from Mahatma Ghandi:

 “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

Living in truth is living in harmony. Be true to yourself. Be true to who you are. Speak the truth- always. Live your truth.

To sum it up - GIVE what ever it is that you want to receive. Be good to yourself and to others, steer clear of negativity, live in truth, and I promise, you will feel happy.

*For more inspiration- read  The Power of Positive, which includes my essay, "Chutes and Ladders" --a story about the power of perseverance and overcoming adversity told through the eyes of my (then) four-year old child, Evan.

My Meditation Challenge

 

Last week, Deepak Chopra was on Oprah's life-changing show "Super Soul Sunday" speaking about inner peace, abundance, happiness, and how it can be attained through meditation. He offered viewers to take his 21-day meditation challenge – though I think it’s funny to call it a “challenge” when it is the most peaceful, least challenging thing you can do- and just see how it changes your life. I signed up.

I’ve meditated on and off since I was 20 years old. At that time, I was following the teachings of Paramahansa Yogananda ( read Autobiography of a Yogi in college, and was hooked). I meditated 45 minutes every morning and every night, and fasted every Monday. Back then, mostly I just fought with my young self in every meditation--got mad at myself for having such noisy thoughts, mad at the world for distracting me. I didn’t reach any state of nirvana, but I still think it was good for me. I meditated the whole time I was pregnant with my daughter Cristen, and I believe it made her the strong person that she is.

Since then, I’ve been faithful, fallen away, then come back to the practice many times. I’ve busied myself with other “more important” things (than my own inner peace…imagine that!)

It was meditation that led me to my writing career. It was through meditation that all my ideas for my nonprofit organization came, as well as all the plans for the workshops and programs. It was through prayer and meditation that I found my biological father. So how have I let it slip from my life again?

Deepak said that prayer is talking to God, meditation is listening. This is the perfect time in my life to listen.

So I began this daily meditation on Monday, and this is how I’ve been affected by it.

Monday: After meditation that morning, I had a career setback. Something I had waited for months to happen, fell through. Normally, I would have been crushed by something like this, but this time I didn’t get upset. I trusted that it was only a temporary setback, and still felt positive and hopeful about my project.

Tuesday: On election day, I seemed to be the only one in my circle of friends who was relatively calm. Four years ago I was kind of a wreck, but this time I knew everything was going to work out, and it did.

Wednesday: I found myself feeling peaceful toward people, even when they were posting angry post-election rants on facebook. I didn’t take any of it to heart.

Thursday: I began thinking a lot about the fractures in my extended family, and what I might do to heal them.

Friday: In prayer, instead of asking for help, I found myself asking to be of help.

Saturday:  feeling a deep yearning -  to fix the messes in my life, to bring my grandson Ayumu home, to HEAL. There is that still small voice coming through, and though it whispers, it is becoming too loud for me to ignore.

I don’t have any clearcut answers to solve my problems yet, but I will continue with this challenge, and see what comes of it. I feel like changes are taking place, even if I can't see them yet.

I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

In the meantime, If you’d like to take the 21-day meditation challenge yourself, the link is here. Deepak sends you a guided 15-minute meditation every day -  a recording with gentle music and his voice. And it’s free. What have you got to lose?

https://www.chopracentermeditation.com/Bestsellers/LandingPage.aspx?BookId=172

Judge Judy goes to Yoga

So I’m sitting in yoga the other day, during opening meditation. Lotus position, palms facing upward, breathing slowly…OM.

But the woman in front of me was texting. TEXTING during our OM time.

OMG! Major YOGA FAIL!

I couldn’t believe it…I thought, why would she even come to yoga if she’s going to waste this time on her phone? She's supposed to be centering herself. Just wait till we got to balance poses, she’s gonna tumble over like a stack of blocks. And I was feeling just little bit spiritually superior to her…until I realized that instead of centering myself, I had spent my meditation time thinking about what she was doing and judging her. Ha!

Years ago, I went to a Deepak Chopra lecture, and was particularly inspired by his calm and rational petition for us to let go of judgment. In nature, there is no judgment, he said. Everything is as it should be. The rain is the rain. A cloudy day is a cloudy day. It’s not good or bad, but necessary to the natural order of things. Even forest fires serve a purpose. But we humans put judgment on everything (and everyone) without seeing the full picture. We make assumptions about a situation, who someone is, what their motivations are. We decide whether a rainy day is a good or bad thing. This is an absolute waste of time. On that day I decided to do my best to stop judging (note: do my best).

They say that every person in our lives is a teacher, and I learned something about myself from the yoga-fail girl. In spite of my attempts to practice being nonjudgmental, it still creeps up in my monkey mind. Normally, when the thoughts start, I’ve learned to notice them, observe them, then let them go. But sometimes they are a runaway train, and by the time you realize what’s going on, you’re in Topeka with no return ticket.

I don’t know yoga-fail girl. I have no idea why she may have been texting. Maybe she had a loved one in the hospital, or a sick child at home. For all I know she runs a suicide hotline. Same with the guy who was tailgating me the other day (who I labeled an asshole) - maybe his wife is in labor, or he’s an undercover cop on his way to foil some evildoer’s plan. What I have learned, as a writer and an observer of life, is that every human being has a rich and complicated story, and to make a judgment call or assumption about another person is a foolish mistake.

So once again, I recommit myself to letting go of judgment. I can still make judgments based on what’s good for me, like “I wouldn’t text in yoga” or “ I wouldn’t tailgate someone” – but it isn’t my place to judge someone else in the choices they’ve made. We all have our own unique path in life. There’s no way I could possibly know what is right for another.

I didn’t get my OM time that day, but I got the message loud and clear, and of course, that was the meditation I needed. It’s time for me to put the gavel to rest, and put the focus back on my own inner peace.  

OM.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

This is a tale about a New Story and Three Miracles.

Yesterday, Troy and I had to make yet another trip to the appeals court in downtown L.A.. (If you are new to my blog and haven’t been following the long saga of our fight to keep our dog Stitch, the story is here.) We are currently in year three of a ridiculously drawn out battle that has been rife with jaw-dropping errors and bumbling ineptitude. The latest is that on January 3^rd, we filed our appeals brief. The plaintiff had 30 days to respond. He did not. We were waiting to hear what the court would decide. And waiting, and waiting…On Monday we were notified that the plaintiff filed a response three months late.  In line with the dazzling list of injustices that have occurred in this case, the court accepted it! Three months late!

Our attorney needed copies of this new response, so yesterday we set out for the courthouse with a pit in our stomachs. We anticipated the traffic, the expensive downtown parking ($24 for one hour), the incompetence of underpaid court workers. Documents would be lost, wrong case numbers would be filed, clerks would stare back at us with lack of concern. We knew the drill.

At the court, we asked for copies of this new, three-months late document.

“We don’t have your file,” an apathetic, goth clerk told us.

I turned to Troy and threw my hands in the air. “Of course they don’t have our file! Every time we come here it’s one problem after the next and blah blah blah…” and suddenly I stopped myself.

Just the day before, I had posted this blog, listing things I learned from Deepak Chopra, my favorite quote being: “The story you tell yourself becomes your experience in the world.”

“Wow,” I said to Troy, “Listen to me, anticipating the worst. I need to tell myself a new story.”

“Okay,” he said, “what’s your new story?”

I took a deep breath and centered myself, “The new story is…we are going to have a good experience in court today. We’re going to get the files we need, the clerks are going to be competent and friendly, and we’re going to get out of here before our parking meter runs out.”

And that is exactly what happened. Another clerk found our file easily, was smart and friendly, gave us the copies we needed, didn’t charge us (at 50 cents a page) and told us to have a great day. And we made it back three minutes before our parking meter expired. That has NEVER HAPPENED for us before. So that was MIRACLE #1.

Driving back, I worried about traffic, as we had to pick Evan up from school. As soon as we pulled onto the 405 onramp, we came to a dead stop. Bumper to bumper traffic. Ugh, we both groaned. This could take hours…

“New story!” Troy exclaimed, “I’m driving 90 all the way home!”

We both laughed heartily at this one.
“Good one, Honey!” I said. I mean, this was the 405 on a weekday.

But within moments, I kid you not, the traffic dissipated and we drove, not 90 but 70, all the way home to Chatsworth. If you live in L.A., you know that is MIRACLE #2.

And then, starving, we pulled into In N Out Burger, which has a long line at nine in the morning, at one in the morning, and three in the afternoon. In my entire life I’ve never been to In N Out when there wasn’t a long, long line. 

We pulled in at 12:30p.m. and laughingly said, “New story- no line at In N’ Out!”

And I know none of you Californians are going to believe me but I SWEAR- there was no line at In N Out Burger! NONE! At lunchtime!

That was a miracle of almost biblical proportion. That was MIRACLE #3.

Now I can’t say that all those things weren’t just coincidences, but what is the definition of a coincidence, anyway?

Coincidence: the occurrence of events that happen at the same time by accident but seem to have some connection.

(Merriam Webster Dictionary)

Hmmm…I told myself a new story. My circumstances changed. In that case, yeah, I guess I’d call that a coincidence.

Karma's a Bitch, but Here's the Good News...

Are you people watching Oprah’s Lifeclass on OWN like I told you to? Are you, are you? I can't stress enough the importance of filling your mind with positive life-affirming information. ( Remember: garbage in=garbage out.)  But just in case you’re not watching, I’ve been taking cliff notes for you.

Last night was a great two-hour class with Deepak Chopra, who spoke about spirituality and karma, or, if you prefer- the Golden Rule. The class was live in New York City, where they packed Radio City Music Hall.

Here are the gems I picked up from last night:

“Problems come from a contracted state of awareness. Solutions come from an expanded state of awareness.”

How can you improve your state of awareness? Meditation. Even for a few moments each day. Slow your breathing. Slow your mind. Feel your heart. Get in touch with gratitude for what is good in your life. Even if your life is hell right now, you have food, running water, shelter….all things to be grateful for. Not everyone in the world has that.

When persistent negative thoughts plague you, here is what Deepak suggests:

Stop the thought.

Take deep breaths, and feel a smile in your heart, spreading through your whole body.

Observe how this feels

Proceed with love and kindness.

With regard to karma, here were the lessons:

“The worst thing you can say about another contains some truth about yourself.”

“You can never feel good about yourself by bringing someone else down.”

“Everyone does the best they can with where they are at in their own spiritual awareness. Hold them in compassion, for when you judge, you are also judging yourself.”

“The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without judging.”

“The story you tell yourself creates your experience in the world.”

“If you live your questions, life will lead you to your answers.”

“If you want love, be love. If you want change, be change.”

“Change yourself first. No social transformation can take place without personal transformation.” (peace begins with you…)

And here’s what I loved most of all. The Hindus believe (and the Christians do, too) that even if you have some karma from the past to work through, you can pay off some of that karmic debt by doing good in the world now. By being kind, loving, charitable, some of that debt will be forgiven. So in other words, Karma is a bitch, but she’s at least reasonable and willing to strike a good bargain.

Have a great, good-karma, non-judgy kinda day!

for more info on Oprah's Lifeclass, or the other wonderful life-affirming shows on O.W.N., click here:

Oprah's Lifeclass