Why Women Will Lead the Way on Gun Reform

Huge thanks to my friend Brooke Elise Axtell for inviting me to write this piece for The Feminist Wire. This details my personal experience with gun violence, how it led me to work in gun violence prevention, standing up against the bullies who want to silence us. 

"What woke me that summer morning in 1978 was the screaming. I didn’t know it was my mother’s voice. I’d never heard a sound like that come out of her. I ran into the living room to find my seven-year-old brother Christopher covered in blood. He had just been shot in the head by a neighborhood kid playing with his dad’s gun..."

Read the article here: http://thefeministwire.com/2014/05/women-will-lead-way-gun-reform/

"35 Years Ago, It Could Have Been Me"

 

“35 years ago, this could have been me.” These were President Obama’s words about Trayvon Martin in his impromptu speech on July 19^th, following Zimmerman's not guilty verdict for the murder of Trayvon.

And it hit me in that moment. 35 years ago, theoretically, it could have been me, too. But it wasn’t.

For 16 months, the right-wing media has been on a nonstop campaign to portray Trayvon Martin- the murder victim- as a thug who deserved what he got. He was, after all, suspended from school for having traces of marijuana in his backpack. And he sent a few inappropriate tweets.

Let me tell you about my own teenaged past.

Like Trayvon, I was a good student, getting mostly A's and B's.

I also smoked pot.

I drank at parties.

I was picked up by the police for truancy, even handcuffed and taken in to the station.

I was in trouble with the principal for forging absence notes.

I sent inappropriate notes to friends filled with bad words (my day’s version of tweeting)

I once shoplifted, to see if I could get away with it. I did, because security never follows me in a store.

I got in a few fistfights when I was younger. (Like Trayvon, I defended myself against bullies.)

On my way to or from parties, I was often walking in wealthy neighborhoods late at night, where I didn’t belong.

But no one ever thought I was a bad kid. No one ever bothered me when I was walking in wealthy neighborhoods late at night because I looked like this:

  

And though I was a poor kid from the other side of the tracks, my mother never had to worry about someone shooting me for walking in the wrong neighborhood.

And then there’s my friend Dennis. He and I grew up together since the first grade. We lived in the same neighborhood. Had the same friends. Went to the same parties. But Dennis is black. His experience was very different than mine. Dennis served in the military just out of high school. He was stationed in Coronado, a very wealthy, very white neighborhood in San Diego. Every weekend when he was on leave and in civilian clothes, he would get pulled over by police and questioned: What are you doing here? Where are you going? What's in your car?  

Can you imagine serving in the U.S. military, and facing that humiliation week after week? And the thing is, though Dennis and I have been best friends for 45 years, he'd never told me that before. Immediately after the Zimmerman verdict, Dennis called me, and for the first time ever, we talked about race.

If there is any silver lining in this Trayvon Martin tragedy, it's that it has opened up some necessary wounds, and given us all a strong dose of reality. It’s time we all start sharing our stories. It's time we really listen, and try to understand another person’s point of view.

When I started working in gun violence prevention after Newtown, I began talking with a lot of parents who had lost children. Many of those parents were black. They too were moved to action by Newtown, but their words to me were: This has been happening in our communities for a long time. Our children are dying every day, but no one notices. It took the murder of 20 white children to get America's attention.

Linda Jay, one of the most courageous warriors for gun reform that I know, holds a picture of her daughter who was murdered.

Before I met these parents, I didn’t really know how deep the problem was because the media’s coverage is so minimal. Until I was standing in the streets marching with these mother and fathers, I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t really know.

Now I know. We all know. And it’s up to us to take action. No mother or father should ever have to lose a child, or to face this kind of injustice again.

If Trayvon Martin was a thug, then I was a thug, too. But because of the color of my skin, I got to finish high school, go on to college, and have a family, a full life and a rewarding career. I want all children to be safe on the streets of America. I want them to be safe in their neighborhoods, in schools, in movie theatres. I want them to be safe from dangerous Stand Your Ground laws devised by the NRA. All children deserve to grow up to have the opportunities I had.

Currently 24 states have Stand Your Ground (or similar) laws. I will stand my ground as a mom- and campaign until the last of these laws is overturned.

(Click here to read my blog on the roots of racism: Lizard Brain Strikes Again )

How to Be an Armchair Activist (in just 5 minutes a week)

I know you’re overwhelmed. Bad news is screaming at you every time you turn on the TV or radio. The gun violence stories are frightening and they make you sad… You’ve got a job, and worries, and kids or pets or older parents to take care of and you’re thinking…I feel terrible about what happened at Newtown but what can I do? I’m just one person. I can’t fix the world.

But you can do one small thing. A lot of people each doing one small thing is what moves the world. I have broken it down and made it simple for you. From the comfort of your home, in your pajamas, or even from your phone while you’re riding on a subway, you can do one small thing. Yes, you!

The NRA expects you to forget about Newtown. An NRA lobbyist said they were waiting for the “Connecticut effect” to wear off so they could continue pushing their agenda for looser gun laws. The NRA has millions in donations from gun manufacturers. They employ lobbyists to badger congress every day. Our elected officials are worn down and losing their courage. I hear this from politicians all the time, “We need to hear from the people.” That’s where YOU come in. YOU- the armchair activist.

GOT 10 MINUTES? WRITE A SHORT, SIMPLE LETTER: Our elected officials are hearing only from the NRA when they need to hear from YOU. If you wrote one letter, you would be doing more than most Americans. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. This letter is not going to your 10^th grade English teacher so don’t be intimidated. All they want to know is that you care. Three simple sentences will do. Do you want background checks for all gun purchases? Tougher punishment for illegal gun sales? Say so.

Need your Senators name and address? It’s right here: WHO IS MY SENATOR AND HOW DO I CONTACT THEM? 

An actual snail-mail letter is best, but if you don’t have a stamp, an email will do.

GOT 5 MINUTES? EMAIL:  Click here to send an instant email to your Senators: FAST EMAIL TO CONGRESS

It’s all written out for you. You don’t even have to think about what to write. However, it is more effective if you change the wording and make it your own. This should take you a minute or two, that’s it.

GOT 2 MINUTES? CALL : Call the Senate switchboard (202) 224-3121. Ask for your senators’ offices and if you don’t know what to say, just say this:

I support Universal Background Checks for all gun sales. Please record my views so that the Senator knows I vote and I care. Thank you.

Here is a quick video showing how one mom made a call to congress in less than a minute, while her toddler napped.

GOT LESS THAN 1 MINUTE? TWITTER:

Click this link to fast-tweet congress. The tweets are pre-written for you (but it’s better if you customize them). This action literally takes a few seconds. Honestly, who doesn’t have a few seconds?

FAST TWEET CONGRESS IN 10 SECONDS

GOT 30 SECONDS? SIGN UP TO BE A GUNSENSE VOTER: If Congress won't take action, we've got to vote out the bad apples, and vote in the ones who will protect our children. By signing up to be a gunsense voter, you will be kept up to date on who's running for office and how they rate on gun legislation issues.   http://every.tw/gsv

 
If you can take one small action even once a week, you will be more active and patriotic than the majority of American citizens.

So did you do it? Congratulations- You are an armchair activist!

Now doesn’t that make you feel kinda great?

When The Police are Outgunned, No One Is Safe

Sergeant Loran Butch Baker, and Detective Elizabeth Butler

 

On February 26th, 2013, there was yet another incidence of gun violence in America. Two police officers were shot in Santa Cruz, a peaceful community of artists and hippies and vegans. This was not just a blip in the news cycle in my household. Sergeant Loran Butch Baker was my husband Troy’s childhood friend.

For years, I’ve heard stories about Troy and Butch, and their childhood escapades. They loved to ride Butch’s minibikes, and target shoot, and play cops and robbers, pretending they were the guys from their favorite TV shows: Chase, One Adam Twelve, Emergency, Hawaii-5-0. They rode bikes, talked to each other on their CB radios, took family trips together, played Little League, and got into general mischief, like little boys do. Troy grew up to be a musician (with a secret desire to be a cop) but Butch actually grew up to be a police officer.

Butch, and his partner, detective Elizabeth Butler, were taken out by a maniac with a gun. This maniac, whose name I will not honor, was known to be unstable. He had a criminal past, had been arrested for sexual assault and carrying a concealed weapon. And yet, according to San Jose Mercury News, he had three guns registered to him, including a .40-caliber semi-automatic Sig Sauer.

Yet another infuriating case of private citizens outgunning the police. Butch and Elizabeth were taken down instantly, never stood a chance. A 28-year veteran of the police department, Butch was just months away from retirement.

Like Troy, Butch had a wife and kids. They will have to find a way to go on without him now. Detective Butler also leaves behind two sons. Having been impacted by gun violence in my own family, I know all too well that these families will be forever affected, and generations will feel the impact. The damage goes far beyond what a bullet can do.

Gun violence is not a local problem. It’s not an inner city problem. It is an American problem. When this madness extends to quiet communities like Newtown, and peaceful hippie artist communities like Santa Cruz, it’s time for us to wake up.

WAKE. UP.

There are almost as many registered guns as there are people in this country (88 guns to every 100 people). That does not include black market and unregistered guns, which could make up to 40% of the guns in America. Gun violence is the second leading cause of death to American children between the ages of 2 and 19. Every day in our country, eight children are killed by guns. Every day. Are we paying attention yet?

The first assault weapons ban was signed into law by President Bill Clinton in 1994, and allowed to quietly expire under George W. Bush in 2004. Since then, mass shootings have become an epidemic. Bloomberg news reports that by 2015, firearm fatalities will exceed traffic fatalities as the leading cause of accidental death.

For those of you who believe guns are not the problem, consider this. According to Forbes, “In 1991, 15 years after Washington, D.C. banned handguns, researchers from the University of Maryland conducted a study to assess the impact of the ban. They tracked homicides and suicides in the district from 1968 to 1987 and found that homicides by firearm fell by 25 percent and suicides committed with firearms dropped by 23 percent.”

When maniacs have open access to military style assault weapons, no community can be deemed safe. Quiet community schools are not safe. Movie theatres are not safe. Safeway stores are not safe. Kindergarten classes are not safe. The police are not safe. When does this insanity end?

There are solutions to this problem. When car accidents were killing mass amounts of Americans, we stepped up and regulated that industry. Today, cars are safer than ever thought possible. We can make this better. No one is talking about overturning the second amendment. No one is coming for your guns. Common sense gun regulation is all we’re asking for.

If you are an American citizen, this is YOUR problem. Every single one of us has to take responsibility and do something. When we band together, small simple things, like an email or a phone call to congress, showing up for a rally, or voting, make a huge impact.

Please, be part of that impact. Let us stand united and make our country safe for all citizens.

The Ones Left Behind

After the Newtown shooting, I made the decision to share the story of my brother Christopher, who was shot in the head when he was seven years old. People who have known me for years had no idea this was part of my history. It's not something I bring up at cocktail parties or playdates. It is too painful a memory to recount. It took me three decades to be able to finally write about that awful day. But then Newtown happened, and I couldn't push the memory away. It haunted me day and night. When I learned that gun violence is the #2 cause of death to children between the ages of 2 and 19,  I couldn't be silent any longer.

I hope that in sharing my story now, I will reach the people who believe guns are not the problem. If an emotionally unstable teenaged boy hadn't had access to a gun, my brother's life would be very different today. My life would be different. My children's lives would be different. Maybe my brother wouldn't have violent fits, and my entire family wouldn't be estranged right now. Maybe my son Evan would know his Uncle Christopher. Maybe I would know my nephew, Christopher's son. But my family was shattered by a single bullet. The sound of that shot still reverberates.

After my story, A Single Bullet, went viral, I was asked to be part of this public service announcement for PBS. I met two other people on this day, whose lives were also shattered by gun violence, but who are using their lives to heal others. 

Linda Evans, whose brother was murdered, is now a grief counselor. Kevin Harris, whose only child was murdered, now works with SilverLiningOfHope, campaigning to end violence in Los Angeles. I am proud to know these strong warriors, though sad for the reason life brought us together. Our only road to hope is to turn this poison into medicine.

Our goal in making this PSA is that people will realize this: gun violence doesn't end with the 24-hour news cycle. The damage is felt in families and communities for generations. 

Please join me, Linda, Kevin, and millions of others, in our campaign to bring common sense gun regulation back to this country.

One Million Moms For Gun Control has changed its name to:

MomsDemandAction.org

FACTS: Guns in America

FACTS:

FACT: There are more than 58,000 gunshops in this country. There are fewer than 20,000 Starbucks in the whole world. - Kai Rysdall, NPR 

FACT: The United States has the highest rate of gun ownership in the world — an average of 88 per 100 people. 60 percent of U.S. homicides occur using a firearm. Washington Post

FACT: The gun-homicide rate per capita in the U.S. is 30 times that of Britain and Australia, 10 times that of India and four times that of Switzerland.

- TIME

 

FACT: With only 5% of the world’s population, America owns nearly 50% of the world’s guns.

FACT: Last year on Black Friday, over 280,000 guns were purchased. (Merry Christmas)

- CBS Sunday Morning

FACT: On the same day as the Sandy Hook mass murder, a deranged man in China went on a rampage and attacked 22 schoolchildren with a knife. There were ZERO FATALITIES. 

- CNN 

MOST IMPORTANT FACT:

FACT: Firearm deaths are significantly lower in states with stricter gun control legislation. 

– Washington Post

 

ISSUES

MEDIA:  Yes, the media is a problem. Like our politicians, they are owned by corporations greedily chasing after the mighty buck, putting ratings before journalism with integrity. But did the media kill 26 people on Friday? No. Is there any reason to suspect this shooter was doing this for media attention? No.

Next issue.

MENTAL ILLNESS: Only half of the mass killings reported worldwide involved a person with mental illness. Yes, mental illness is a problem, but it has existed since the beginning of time. No psychiatrist or neurologist knows exactly why it happens, how to stop it nor how to effectively treat it. We understand very little about the human brain. Very little. We need to do better, and when we know how, we will. But right now we can’t stop people from being crazy. And as for the talk of Aspergers- that is not a mental illness. Aspergers has produced some of the world’s greatest thinkers, inventors and artists. I know many young people with Aspergers – they are smart, funny and kind.

Next issue.

SECOND AMENDMENT: Let’s talk about the second amendment. It was created during a time of horses and bayonettes. Nobody could have imagined a semi-automatic the likes of the Bushman, its bullets found in the bodies of the children who were massacred. The second amendment does not entitle citizens to weapons of mass destruction.

ASSAULT WEAPONS: If you feel you need a pistol for self-protection, okay. If you are a hunter and need your hunting rifles, okay. No civilian needs an assault weapon. PERIOD. And if you really think you need one, well then, that’s the exact reason you shouldn’t have one. 

Sign the White House petition for tighter gun control legislation: WHITE HOUSE

Click here to read my blog on how my family was shattered by gun violence : A Single Bullet

A Single Bullet

In the summer of 1978, my seven-year old brother Christopher was shot in the head by a teenaged neighbor, playing with his father's gun. Christopher was a first grader, a skinny little tow-headed boy missing his front teeth. I held him, bleeding in my arms, as my mother drove maniacally to the ER. His eyes fluttered, rolling back in his head as he lost consciousness. His little body twitched violently from the brain damage. I begged him to hold on. My arms were covered in blood. I was fourteen years old.

My brother survived. With multiple brain surgeries and a year of physical therapy, he learned how to use a fork and walk without dragging his leg, and talk normally again. He learned to write with his left hand, as he lost all fine motor skills on his right side. He had to attend school wearing a helmet. He became an outsider. His young body was able to heal much of the brain damage, but the emotional damage continues to take its toll. He has struggled with drug addiction all his life. Like many with traumatic brain injury, he has been prone to violent outbursts. He has been in and out of jail. Though he lived, a part of him died that day. The part that was pure and childlike and trusting. He still has a piece of the bullet in his brain.

My entire family, including my own children, has been affected by what happened to him at seven years old. Generations of our family were shattered by a single bullet. It is a nightmare that refuses to die.

Watching the news on that awful Friday morning, December 14, 2012, brought my nightmare into full focus.

The families of the slain at Sandy Hook are enduring unimaginable horror and grief that will affect them for the rest of their lives. The school, the children, the neighbors, the entire community is forever scarred. Future generations will feel the repercussions. Those who survived will bear emotional wounds that may never heal.

And yet, online and through the media, people clamor for their rights to assault weapons citing freedom and the second amendment.  They want their rights to military-style killing machines unimpeded, unregulated.

Unless you have held a bleeding child riddled with bullets in your arms, you don’t know. You do not know.

Let’s talk about rights.

I haven’t felt safe in the world since the day my brother was shot. I’ve had anxiety disorder and panic attacks (which rendered me “uninsurable” – yet another issue) all my life. I grew up to be a loving, but hovering, overprotective, paranoid mother. My three children have never played outside unattended. I rarely sleep through the night. A maniac with a gun took normalcy from me. Where are my rights?

I, like most of you, am afraid to send my child to school or to a mall or to the movies or to see a congresswoman in front of a Safeway store. Where are our rights?

Where were the rights of the children, the teachers, the principals who died? Didn’t they have the right to attend school peacefully and without fear? Where are the rights of those parents to see their children grow and thrive, to walk their daughters down the aisle, to hold grandchildren in their arms one day? Where were their rights?

Since when does the second amendment get to trample over the rights of the rest of us-  our right to Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Our right to feel safe in the world?

The NRA has had our politicians in their pockets for far too long. They have towered over us, the bully on the schoolyard that no one will stand up to. I have never been able to abide bullies. As a mother, I will not rest until assault weapons are banned in this country. As a citizen, I won’t stand by and watch the NRA take my freedom away with their lobbying and their money and their weapons.

I have been rocked to my core by this horrific tragedy, and I can not go back to life as normal. If any of you know how hard I’ve fought for my dog, then you know my tenacity. I will put all my heart behind this. I will not quit.

If we offer words of consolation but do nothing to change this epidemic of gun violence, we are no better than the gunman.

Holocaust survivor Elie Weisel said, “We suffered not only from the cruelty of killers, but also from the indifference of bystanders. I believe that a person who is indifferent to the suffering of others is complicit in the crime. And that I cannot allow, at least not for myself.”

I’m with him.

For more information on gun violence and what you can do, see Women Against Gun Violence

(I serve on the Board of Directors for Women Against Gun Violence)

NOTE- all comments are moderated and pending approval. Those of you gun advocates who have been posting and calling me a “liberal douchebag”- your comments will not be read nor posted. My focus is not on you, it is on the safety of children.

Who's Afraid of Gun Control?

Fact:

Every day in America, thirty-three people are murdered with guns.

In Japan (where there are gun control laws) there were seven gun-related deaths in 2010. Seven. In a YEAR.

Here’s a quip floating around on bumper stickers (and facebook), “Guns don’t’ kill people. People kill people.” 

Here’s a new bumper sticker: people with assault weapons mass murder people. No one stands a chance against a maniac with an assault rifle.

I have two thoughts on this whole thing. First of all, reinstate the ban on assault weapons. Why should it be legal in this country for citizens to out-gun the police? Doesn’t make any kind of sense.

Second, and this is a very simple thing- make it as difficult to get a weapon as it is to get a drivers license. A person who intends to buy a gun should have to take a course in gun safety, then take a test. If they don’t pass, just as we don’t get a license, they don’t get the gun. And as we have our eyes tested, they should have their sanity tested, and a doctors note stating that they are of sound mind wouldn’t hurt. They should then have their fingerprints registered and their picture taken, height, weight, color of eyes all on record, to obtain a gun license.

Nobody screams “socialism” about our process to obtain drivers licenses, or contracter’s licenses, or scuba certification or anything else, so is this really such an outrageous idea? No one is lobbying congress over standing in line at the DMV.

We’ve let the NRA run rampant with freedom for far too long, and look where it's gotten us. We need to stand up and make our voices heard, so that our children can safely go to the movies, or go to meet a congresswoman without fear of being gunned down.

To sign the petition to reinstate a ban on assault weapons, click here.

Lizard Brain Strikes Again

"I’m not a racist but…"

Any time you hear that opening (and unfortunately, I have) you can be assured that person is a racist. No one admits to it. Not the tea party people with their hateful signs, not the elected officials who send out racial slurs in emails and call them harmless jokes. And many of those are the same people who justify the senseless death of Trayvon Martin. “I’m not a racist, but when someone goes walking around late at night wearing a hoodie, looking suspicious…”

No matter how it is denied, racism is alive and well, and in fact, it is thriving in the lizard-brain.

Let me explain what I mean by lizard brain. The basal ganglia, termed “the Reptilian Complex” by American neuroscientist Paul Mc Lean, is the most base and simplistic part of our brain. This structure is shared by reptiles and birds, and was probably all we had before we evolved. Mc Lean theorized it was  “responsible for species typical instinctual behaviors involved in aggression, dominance, territoriality, and ritual displays”. We are all capable of operating from this lowest functioning part of our brains. We are also capable of functioning higher.

In our lizard brain, we are fearful and territorial. Advertisers know this. Media knows this. The Pharma industry knows this. Politicians know this. They push the fear button to keep us following them like zombies.

In our lizard brain, we are tribal. We attack people at sporting events. We fear people of other races, religions, socioeconomic standing. We move away to gated societies to keep “the others” out. 

In the military, they train soldiers to kill by making the enemy subhuman - “the other”…the “one you should fear”. It’s how Hitler was able to convince German citizens to look the other way while he committed genocide.

The vitriolic right-wing has done a bang-up job of making our President “the other” - “the one you should fear”. They appeal to uneducated, unworldly people, and go straight for the lizard brain. He is a Muslim. He is a Kenyan. His birth certificate is fake. He pals around with terrorists. I mean, really, when has any other president been subjected to such nonsense? Being called a LIAR in Congress? Having a congresswoman angrily point a finger in your face?

Let’s call it what it is. He is BLACK. And the vitriolic right wingers are sending the message: Watch out white people, for President Obama is “the other”. Its this kind of racism, directed even toward our President- the most powerful leader in the free world- that filters down to a young kid like Trayvon, walking home with some Skittles in his pocket.

Its no wonder that citizens who watch FEAR news all day long are feeling threatened. Their lizard brains are conditioned to fear the other, to protect themselves. I wonder what cable news Zimmerman follows. I think I can make an educated guess…

The only way to free ourselves from this hateful way of being, the only way to stop more innocent children from being senselessly shot down in the street, is to evolve. We must open our minds and listen. We must educate ourselves and others, to move our thinking to a higher place.

The next time you get one of those hateful, bigoted emails from your weird uncle, just remember, he’s coming from his lizard brain. The best thing we can do for Lizard-brain is not to engage with him or get angry (that’s where lizard brain thrives) but instead to expose him to something different (beauty, culture, love) that can only be processed in a different part of his brain.

When he makes a hateful post on your facebook page, post a picture like this on his:

It’s up to us to rise above our lizard brains. We have to be the ones who educate. Be the ones who encourage tolerance. Be the ones who put positive, enlightening information into the world every day.

And whatever we do, we can’t make lizard-brains our “other” – the ones we should fear, because then we are operating from our own lizard brains.