Navigating Disaster

photo by Laura Hennessee

Everyone in the country is in a panic. The stock market is tanking, the pundits are screaming and yelling, people are losing their jobs and homes. Everyone is throwing the blame, but no one knows what to do. And so we, the public, are living in a state of fear – the worst state to ever be in. Decisions made from a place of fear are always the wrong ones. So let’s pull ourselves together, shall we?

First, let me assure you of this fact: All will be well.

How do I know? Well, I consider myself sort of a connoisseur of disaster. I’ve been trapped in a burning house, almost killed, bankrupted, abandoned by my family, betrayed by friends, lost everything, destitute, mugged, sued, threatened with violence, homeless. (And don’t even get me started on my childhood!) But guess what?  I’m still here.

I’ve had a lot of therapy over the years to get me through the panic attacks that used to plague me, and these are the tools I’ve learned for navigating disaster.

ACCEPT WHAT IS:

This world has existed for billions of years. All kinds of catastrophes have occurred and yet – the world still turns. The only thing we can be sure of in life is change. Everything is impermanent - the bad phases, and even the good. The more we try to clutch onto something to keep it the way it was, the more pain we cause ourselves.

Think of it this way: Life is a river, ever flowing, ever changing, a force all its own. You never step into the same river twice, and so it is with life. We can’t control the river, but we can learn how to navigate it. We can be dragged through it kicking and screaming, or accept it for what it is and follow the flow. Whatever is happening to cause you stress, remember: the tide will rise and fall, the sun will continue to rise every day, new life will spring up from devastation- that is the way of the world. Find your flow, and when it changes, find it again. Accept change. Accept it all for what it is.

STAY IN THE PRESENT:

I’ve seen Wayne Dyer speak several times. I remember being especially struck by this point. He said that if we stay in the present, 99% of the time, there is no problem. I mean, unless you are in this moment hanging from a cliff by your fingernails, which is unlikely. Most of our problems are in our heads, where we either lament about the past, or worry about what may possibly happen in the future. The majority of the time the things we worry about never come to pass. If we could stay in the right here, right now, we’d realize we are okay. Ask yourself this, right now at this very moment, are you in danger? If not, feel free to relax, and enjoy your day.

FOCUS ON WHAT IS GOOD:

Today, in this moment, we have food, a roof over our heads, and we definitely have internet access other wise you wouldn’t be reading this. There are people in your life who care about you, even if you don’t always feel it. The world is a place full of beauty and art and music and nature and heart-stopping wonder, and it’s all available to you. So how bad could it be?  Step out of the fear, and think about all that is right in your life. If you can’t see it, spend a day volunteering on Skid Row, serving the homeless. It’ll put things in perspective real quick. Sometimes I play this game with myself:  If I were alone on a desert island, what are all the things I would miss, all the things I would dream about?  I write it down. Try it. When you play that game, you realize just how much you have to be thankful for. Turn off the TV. Stop listening to the noise, and stay in the good place in your life.

DO WHAT BRINGS YOU JOY:

No matter what is happening in the stock market, in politics, at your job, don’t let it rob you of JOY. Find what brings you happiness, even the little things, and do that. Make no excuses. You need this. If you can afford a spa day, go for it, but joy doesn’t cost money. Take a bubble bath with candles, take a long walk in a beautiful place, sit under a tree and read an inspiring book, buy yourself a 64-pack of brand new Crayolas- lay on the floor and color, play your all-time favorite album, go to the beach. Even little things can bring great joy.

GET OUT OF DODGE:

If you can possibly afford it, take a break. Get out of town for a few days. Albert Einstein said, “You can not solve a problem with the same mind that created it.”   I know personally that I need to get out of my every day routine and environment to look at things differently. Even if I can’t afford it, the sanity and clarity are priceless. There are other places in life you can cut back financially. I’d rather eat potatoes for a week and get myself some much-needed perspective. If I can’t get away, even a day of walking on the beach can bring that perspective.

And finally, if you still can’t get out of your place of fear, try this…

WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?

After our house burned down, I had an anxiety disorder that could send me reeling with a panic attack at the drop of a hat. My therapist used to play this game with me:

He’d say, “Okay, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“I will lose everything, be penniless and homeless and have no credit.” (All of which did eventually happen, by the way)

“And then what?” he’d say.

“I guess I’ll…have to find a good job, and find a place to live.”

“And then what?”

“Well, I guess little by little…I’ll pay off my debt.”

“And then what?”

“I guess I’ll be okay.”

(and I was, and am.)

Play this game with a friend, with every possible worst-case scenario, and keep going until you’ve sorted it all out. The reality is never as bad as you make it out in your head.

So, America, let’s all just settle down and relax. As we know, it’s not the end of the world (that was supposed to be May 22^nd, and that didn’t happen either.) Look at the people of Japan. The absolute WORST has literally happened to them. And yet they are out there in the trenches with shovels, starting at square one, rebuilding their lives. The world is resilient, and so are we. Leave fear behind. Embrace your life.

And finally, I’ll leave you with this quote:

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

-author unknown

When It Rains, It Pours.

Just as I hit the submit button on my "gratitude blog" yesterday, a pipe burst in the ceiling of Evan's room, black stinking liquid gushing through his ceiling fan and the air vents in the walls, then traveling through the air vents to my art studio.

If there is such a thing as "The Secret",  I suppose I'm not very good at it.

This is what was dripping on us from the ceiling. I hopefully asked Troy, "Am I being too Pollyanna to think we might have struck oil and are going to be millionaires?" (Oh but oil doesn't smell like this) Demolition crews are on the way to rip out the ceilings in Evan's room and my art studio. Carpets are already gone.

Troy and I were feeling very, very beat down yesterday. Depressed. And it happened to be our son Taylor's 21st birthday. (Sorry for the crappy birthday, Tay) But you know...we keep reminding each other, we have love, and we have our health. All the crap that's happened to us is just a huge hassle.  My friend Anita lies in a hospital bed fighting for her life. Now that's a problem.

So we keep trudging...through the muck. Literally.

I have no explanation except that life is just a freekin' rollercoaster ride. What can we do but make the best of it? Hands in the air everybody...Here we gooooooo....

Happy New Year Everybunny!

It’s the year of The Rabbit! Anyone feel like cuddling? According to the article in the New York Times today, the year of the Rabbit is associated with tranquility. I’ve never been familiar with Chinese astrology but in the wake of 2010, I say… BRING IT!

After last year, I’m ready to believe in anything. ANYTHING. For Troy and I it was filled with jaw-dropping bad luck; restraining orders, lawsuits, betrayal, death, and outrageous home disasters. For our close friends, 2010 brought death, divorce, health issues, and five friends lost their houses. FIVE. My Japanese daughter-in-law told me that 2010 was the year of the TIGER. Yeah, that makes sense. It was mean, ferocious and downright predatory. All I can say is…Year of the Tiger, don’t let the screen door hit ya in the ass on your way out.

Crisis brings out faith in people, and also superstition. Oh sure, it’s easy to scoff at superstition when your life is running all hunky dorey. But when you had a year like many of us, you start to wonder…did I break a mirror? Is there a curse on me? Do I need to call an exorcist?

Seriously. A lady with a black cat moved in down the street and I swear to you, every time I drove home that cat would dart across the road. One time, I saw it sauntering along as I rounded the corner toward home….and the race was on. This time I was determined to pass him before he could cross me. We made eye contact. Not this time, sucka, I said under my breath as I accelerated but sure enough, he darted right in front of my car causing me to screech to a halt. Cursed yet again! Or not.

At this point, my mind is open to any and all possibilities. Chinese Astrology? Sure, why not. Year of the Rabbit sounds soft and cuddly. It’s also supposed to be prosperous. Ooooh that makes me feel really warm and fuzzy. And, I’ve just discovered, at forty-seven years old, that I am a Rabbit- who knew? The last time it was “my” year was 1999. Now that was an excellent year! We bought our dream house, we renewed our vows on our tenth wedding anniversary, we had some wonderful vacations. Happy, happy, happy. That means this is going to be one lucky year full of possibilities and new beginnings. Deal me in!

Is all this stuff true? Who cares! It makes me hopeful and optimistic. Oh and by the way, recently I got a better look at that black cat, and it turns out he has four white feet. I’m no expert in superstition, but I think the white feet cancel out the bad luck thing. So it’s all good! Yay!

Aha! I finally have an explanation for my obsession with wearing Rabbit costumes.

The Optimist

There is an old story about a little boy who runs out to the barn on the morning of his birthday, throwing open the doors only to find mountainous piles of manure. He grabs a shovel and begins plowing through the shit with glee. His father comes out and asks him what he’s so happy about.

The boy says, “Look at all this manure! There must be a pony in there somewhere!”

You see, that’s the story of the ultimate optimist. Not at all the way I’d describe myself – I mean, I see a pile of manure for what it is, but these days I’m trying to look at things differently… shoveling through the crap, looking for a pony.

Let’s just say it…This year has been a huge pile of manure. Aside from my own terrible tales, many of my friends are dealing with much greater problems: They’re out of work, losing their homes, have spouses battling cancer, custody battles for their kids, divorces, serious health issues, struggles for sobriety… I don’t know, maybe the planets are all out of whack, maybe Mercury is in retrograde, maybe that’s a bunch of crap and life is just random chaos or - maybe there is a benevolent God up there watching over us, smiling because this is all for a reason. (let’s hope…)

Things happened to my family this year that I could never have imagined, not in a million years. Here we are, nice, easy going peace-loving people, and we’ve been sued, threatened with physical violence, had to learn how to file restraining orders, rebuild a sewage system, went from paying off all our debt to maxing ourselves out with home disasters, and worst of all, lost a good friend to a cruel and untimely death.

But (I hear a muffled whinnying …) there have also been miracles. Miracles of friendships renewed, old friends, new friends. I launched my blog, I finished my book, I’ve been gifted wonderful opportunities, Troy has been blessed with steady work, both in the studio and on the road, our baby grandson was born healthy and gorgeous, and all three of our kids are thriving. What more could we ask for? Its just that it seems the blessings come right in the middle of the shitstorm, and it’s hard to separate them out sometimes. I mean, when you find the pony under there, it’s all covered in poop, and you know…it’s kinda hard to tell. Uh….a poop-covered pony? Wow …it’s just what I always…wanted…I guess. Kinda reminds me of when the pilgrims gave the Indians those pox-infested blankets. Gee…thanks, you white guys are swell. But in hindsight you can usually see the blessings for what they are. (Except in the case of those Indians…did not turn out well at all.)

Yesterday afternoon as I hiked with my kid and dogs, a welcome crisp Autumn breeze blew and I swear I could hear whinnying over the hills. (Well, I could, because my neighbors have horses, but still…) Change was in the air, and this time, I didn’t dread it.

Alright Summer, I said, you brought sewage and misery and death this year, and got your last punch in a few days ago, with your searing 110 degrees. But I’m through with you now. Fall is coming, and I’ve got a new attitude.

I made the decision in that moment - I’m hosing down those ponies, gussying them up, ready to take ‘em for a ride.

Who’s with me?

( I do realize that I couldn't actually ride this pony, because I'd crush him. But it sounded good in imagery.)