Follow Your Bliss: Author and filmmaker Alex Stein

Follow Your Bliss is a new series of interview blogs I'll be posting about people who inspire me. These are friends of mine who have courageously said NO to a conventional life, and followed their dreams no matter the cost. Every person on this planet has a rich life story to tell. My aim is to share a few of them here.

Alex Stein is a person who inspires me because, in addition to being an author, he became interested in the Alaskan Iditarod and decided that some how, some way, he was going to make a film about it. He's not Alaskan, and knew nothing about mush dogs but he just did it anyway. Seriously, how awesome is that?  Also, Alex hosts MUSE, a fabulous weekly writer's showcase in Los Angeles. And finally, he wins the ultimate mensch award for filming our No More Silence event, commemorating the one-year anniversary of the Sandy Hook shooting. He showed up with less than 24 hours notice, filmed all day and night, and then took off to host a showcase at Muse. He then spent days editing and gifted us with this beautiful video (which includes a performance by Jackson Browne) What a guy...

When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a writer because I heard that writers didn't have to wear ties.  And I couldn’t think of anything worse than having to get up and wear a tie every working day for the rest of my life.

Is your lifepath today relevant to your childhood dreams?

The short answer is: Yes.

The longer answer is that, while I don’t consider myself a role model for success or productivity, I’ve learned a lot about both (especially in the past few years).  I’ve also spent a lot of time honing my craft and developing my creative muscles.

These days, everything I do revolves around telling stories.

When I was a kid, I thought writing was all about inspiration and capturing feelings.  I’ve come to realize that having that initial burst of inspiration is important, but there is a lot more involved in being a writer (or any type of creative artist).  And I’ve learned that there can be as much joy in researching, organizing, learning structure, and rewriting as there can be in that initial burst of inspiration.

I've also learned that putting words onto paper (or into a computer) isn’t the only way of telling a story.  And other methods (such as filmmaking and live performances) can be just as satisfying. 

Ultimately, what interests me is learning about different things, then finding or figuring out the best ways to organize that information and present it in the most effective and powerful way. 

How did you get the courage and wherewithal to pursue the filmmaking/writing career you’re in today?

When I was in my 20s, I thought of creativity and success as being a strictly linear path that led to a specific destination.  It’s only recently that I realized that creating things is almost never simple and linear – and being on a creative path is the reward.  Everything else that happens is gravy. 

I spent a long time when I was younger trying to chase after and create the same things millions of other people were chasing after and creating.  And to do that, I had to ignore and suppress the fact that I have a different and unique approach to things.  When I finally embraced the different way I view things and stopped trying to be like everyone else, things began to work in ways they never had before. 

And even though that hasn’t automatically resulted in immediate success and financial rewards beyond my wildest dreams, it’s made the creative work I’m doing much stronger and made the act of creating things much less stressful. 

What was the highest moment of your career so far?

I’m going to cheat and give you two because they’re both important.

My best public moment was having my Iditarod documentary MUSH (www.mushthemovie.com) premiere at the Anchorage International Film Festival (in a large, full theater).  

I'd had the idea of making this movie for years (and assumed that focusing on the culture of the Iditarod was such an obvious idea for a movie that someone else must already be doing it), but finally just figured out a way to go up there and capture the elements I knew I'd need.  

For years, this movie just existed in my mind.  Then after a long time planning and months of refining, rearranging, and editing, I was able to move the idea out of my mind and share it on a big screen with a group of Alaskans, including many mushers. 

For several days afterwards, people came up to me on the streets and in coffee shops to tell me how much they enjoyed the movie, which made me feel like a rock star.  And I kept getting the best compliment I could imagine when people told me they couldn't believe that a non-Alaskan managed to capture the essence of an event that was so distinctly Alaskan. 

The second one involves a personal essay I wrote called “I Used Graham Parker for Evil (Not for Good)” which appears in my book No, Mr. Bond, I Expect Your Dreams to Die.

For the first few months when I was telling stories live on stage, the stories I told were all clever, funny, and not very personal.  But I soon realized I wanted to do something deeper and more personal.  So I wrote this story, which involves obsession, an album by British singer/songwriter Graham Parker, and an ill-fated college romance.  And I was terrified to tell people the story – partly because it was very personal and partly because it doesn’t show the 20-year-old version of me in a great light.  But when I started telling the story, something amazing happened.  People would come up after and tell me their experiences (and many said they’d never had the courage to talk to anyone about these experiences before).  It was gratifying and overwhelming to think that something that had meant something specific to me could then go out in the world and mean something different (and very powerful) to someone else.  Which was part of the point of the essay -- only in that case it was about how a specific piece of art (a Graham Parker record) came to represent something different and very powerful to me.

Years later, I recorded this piece as part of a radio pilot and my friend Dylan Brody sent the recording to Graham Parker.  A few days later, Graham Parker sent me an email saying he was both honored and a little creeped out, but enjoyed the story a lot.  To have created something that made a good impression on someone whose creative work has made such a huge impression on my life is extremely gratifying.

What was the lowest moment, and what did you learn from it?

To be honest, it was hard to pick one moment. 

I’ve had a lot of setbacks that all seem very similar when I look back on them.  I’ve had a bunch of jobs (such as working as a development executive, writing for a cable channel show) that weren’t what I really wanted to do and then I felt devastated when they ended. 

Looking back, I realized that these jobs were all slowly making me miserable and I made myself more miserable by trying to convince myself the jobs weren’t that bad.  When I stopped thinking like that and moved more towards things I wanted to do and things that I was passionate about, it always felt better.

My takeaway from these experiences is not to let the devastation overwhelm me and not to become nostalgic for worsening situations that drain instead of energize me.

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

I still want to be learning new things, traveling, meeting interesting people, and telling stories.  

I don't know what form that will take, though.

And I'd love for my life to be less financially stressful... but that may not happen.

What’s still at the top of your bucket list, and how will you make it happen?

I'm planning to follow the back of the Iditarod pack on a snowmachine (note: “snowmachine” is the Alaskan term for what those outside Alaska call a “snowmobile”) and do another documentary about the back-of-the-packers and the villagers along the Iditarod trail.  The more time I’ve spent around mushers and the Iditarod, the more I’ve realized that the best stories are the ones you rarely hear, the ones told by the people who know they’ll never win the race, but are driven by a passion and joy just to run the race and try to reach the finish line. 

I'll be launching a crowdfunding campaign in a few months to raise enough money to do that... and hope to be out on the trail in 2015.

"My Writing Process" Blog Tour

Hello all,
I've been asked to participate in the “My Writing Process” blog tour. I post today, and will invite three writers to carry the tour forward on their own blogs the following week.  I was invited to participate by my soul sister, the talented and intensely creative Lori Landau. Lori is one of the most beautifully loving souls I know. Her heart shines through in her art. She is intensely creative, interweaving spirituality into her paintings, photography and writing. See Lori's work here: www.consciousnesscreativity.com

The "My Writing Process Blog Tour" Questions:

1) What am I working on? 

I am in discussions with a wonderful publisher about getting my new memoir "Wind To Wildfire" published. What is the book about, you may ask? This best sums it up:

Imagine waking up tomorrow with no home, no job, no clothes. What if you had no ID, no credit, no pets, no family photos, no history? Who would you be if you lost everything?

This happened to me, and my family. It began with a housefire in the middle of the night that almost took our lives. As my husband and I jumped from second story windows with our children, our house and home-based businesses burned to the ground. We were released from the hospital homeless and jobless with two young children to support. Though the news cycle moves on, disaster doesn’t end when the fire is out. Over the next two years, we were bankrupted, lost our credit and our social standing, and watched our friends and even family pull away. And yet, this is not a sad story. When everything I identified with was gone, I was given the rare (and painful) gift of discovering who I really was. I learned that happiness can be found in the midst of disaster. And as my marriage began to erode under the stress of loss, I found that even when pushed to the edge, love can survive. This is a story of loss, hope and renewal, of love lost and found again.

"Wind to Wildfire" will hopefully be released in 2015. Stay tuned....

2) How does my work differ from others of its genre?  

I write memoir and personal essay, and I can only say that is differs because my story, your story, every life story is rich and unique. Though there are many memoirs about marriages that fall apart tragically and fantastically, few that show how love can last . Mine shows how we almost fell apart, and how we worked to stay together.
 

3) Why do I write what I do? 

Because it is in me and it must come out some how. Because I write what I know. Because For too long I buried the truth about who I was. After writing Dancing at the Shame Prom, telling the truth felt so good, I just couldn't stop.
 

4) How does my writing process work?

I've been keeping a journal since I was in the second grade, so writing is really second nature to me. Since I have kids, I have to be disciplined about writing.  In writing my last book,  I wrote for every hour my son was in school. I did not answer the phone. I did not wash the dishes. If the cat puked, I didn't clean it up until my six writing hours were completed. Gross, I know. But I wrote three books that way.

For me, writing memoir is like vomiting. You don't want to do it. You dread doing it. But you feel a lot better after it's all out and on the page. That's beautiful and poetic, right?

That pretty much sums up my writing process. What's yours? 

Next I am to pass the baton to three bloggers. Please let me know if you are a blogger and you'd like to participate!

Follow Your Bliss: Super Agent Andy Ross

Follow Your Bliss is a new series of interview blogs I'll be posting about people who inspire me. These are friends of mine who have courageously said NO to a conventional life, and followed their dreams no matter the cost. Every person on this planet has a rich life story to tell. My aim is to share a few of them here.

Today's guest post comes from literary agent and author Andy Ross. Andy's e-book Ask The Agent: Night Thoughts on Writing is a must-read for writers at any stage in their careers. Andy inspires me because, first, he is a devoted father and husband, and second, he is a person who stands firm in his beliefs. As the owner of Cody's bookstore in Berkley, (a legendary store that has hosted the likes of President Clinton and Al Gore) Andy refused to stop selling Salman Rushdie's "The Satanic Verses" even in the face of death threats. Subsequently, his store was bombed. And he still continued to sell the book. I mean, seriously, how bad-ass is that?

When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Hollye, first of all, thank you for inviting me on your blog. My first memory as a child was that I wanted to be a fireman. I was inspired by a not very original present from my parents, a plastic fire hat. As I grew older, I became more sophisticated. I decided to be a policeman. At some point, probably around the age of 12, I made a much less thoughtful decision to become a lawyer.

Is your lifepath today relevant to your childhood dreams?

No, not really. I was committed to being a lawyer. I even went to law school for a year at the University of Michigan. But I saw the error of my ways early on.

How did you get the courage to pursue the career you’re in today?

I wrote about this in my blog: “Ask the Agent.”  I would have to say it was done through a series of impetuous decisions and superficial thought. I had been studying European history at the University of Oregon. Somehow a number of trivial events having to do with things like the weather, girls, the counter culture and - well, yes - reading habits led me away from academics and into the book business. But I was lucky, I guess. I’ve been in the book business now for 42 years, first as a bookseller, then as a literary agent. I don’t think I would have been happy doing anything else.

What was the highest moment of your career so far?

For me, that’s an easy answer. For 30 years, I was the owner of Cody’s Books, a sort of iconic book store on Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley three blocks from the University of California. Cody’s always seemed to be a magnet for dramas relating to the culture wars. In the 60s before I owned it, Cody’s was associated with the Berkeley anti-war movement, much of which was going on right outside our front door. 

In 1989, Penguin Books published Salman Rushdie’s The Satanic Verses. The Ayatollah Khomeini, Iran’s supreme leader,  issued a fatwa, a religious edict that encouraged believers to kill Rushdie.  A week later, a firebomb was thrown through the window of the store. The next day, while we were cleaning up, we found an undetonated pipe bomb rolling around the poetry section. The bomb was too dangerous to remove, so we had to evacuate the store. As we stood across the street, the bomb squad blew up the device while we watched the building shake. Arguably, this was the first incident of Islamic terrorism in the United States. Moments later we all returned to the store. The big question was whether we would continue carrying the book. To do so could be life threatening. I’m proud to say the staff voted unanimously to keep carrying it.

These days it’s fashionable to talk a lot about freedom of speech. The Supreme Court seems to think that the essence of free speech is unlimited political contributions by corporations. I think what the Cody’s staff did was maybe a little purer than that, and the stakes were significantly higher.  They really did risk their lives for something greater than themselves.

What was the lowest moment, and what did you learn from it?

Again, that’s an easy answer. The worst moment was probably the last moment. By 2006, Cody’s was suffering from the structural changes that were transforming retail bookselling. Part of it was the growth of on-line booksellers. Part of it was the tendency in the book business to focus on more media driven subjects and blockbuster best sellers. That just didn’t fit into Cody’s mission. I finally had to sell the store. The day after I left, the new manager, whom I had selected, called me and told me that I couldn’t speak to any of the store’s employees, that I was effectively banned from the store. And, by the way,  they weren’t going to issue me a last payroll check. So ended my 35 years as a bookseller. Not to make too fine a point, it was not a happy moment.  To their credit, they realized that they had done the wrong thing. We worked it all out.

From this,  I learned the virtue of forgiveness. And I think the people at Cody’s learned it as well. As Shakespeare has said; “It blesseth him who gives and him who takes.’

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

I’ll still be a literary agent. I’m having too much fun to do anything else.

What’s still at the top of your bucket list, and how will you make it happen?

I wouldn’t mind representing a best selling book. How to make it happen?  All I can say is that in the book business, sometimes it’s better to be lucky than smart. Although it’s best to be both.

The 5 Things I Gained From Losing Everything...

(This story was posted on "Maria Shriver's Architects of Change."  It is excerpted from my new memoir "Fire Season: Losing Everything and Finding Myself." With deep gratitude...)

On the morning of November 18th, 1994, my family seemingly had it all: a strong marriage, two kids and a gaggle of rescue pets. My husband Troy and I each had our own businesses that we ran from the home we were renting. We volunteered at our kids’ schools, threw parties, took business trips — it was a great life.

But that night, we went to bed in a burning house. A freak electrical short began smoldering in the walls as we slept, erupting into hellfire in the middle of the night. The fire pressed us up against the windows, gasping for air, our skin burning. We were forced to jump from second story ledges with our children, onto the cement below. The inferno raged, windows blowing out, as the life we had built vanished before our eyes....(read the rest HERE on Maria Shriver's website)


Watch an excerpt of my live interview on AOL.com:

Also on "Maria Shriver's Architects of Change", read Amy Ferris and my co-authored piece "Letting Go of Shame, Thelma and Louise Style"

Answered Prayers?

Lately a friend asked why I seem to have so much going on in my life at once. First let me just say that facebook presents a false reality that absolutely everyone is out having a fabulous life while we are home doing laundry (and in fact I spend the majority of my Saturday nights home doing laundry) but ultimately she’s right. I have had a lot going on lately because I am saying yes to everything. And here’s why.

The last few years, from 2010 on, were rough. My challenges were so huge and overwhelming, I was on the verge of losing everything. I endured a stressful, costly three-year court battle to save my dog, a restraining order on a violent and armed neighbor who threatened to kill my husband, losing my grandson for a year and a half, household disasters that cost us tens of thousands we didn’t have, and the list goes on. On top of that, during this time both my writing and singing career seemed to be dying a slow financial death. We were living on the edge of quiet desperation. Not knowing where to go, I went within, and I wrote, and I read. One of the books I read was Lit by Mary Karr. Karr talked about being broken down and broke in her own life, and how it forced her to her knees. Literally. She began to pray every day, and miraculously her life turned around. In addition to sobering up for the first time in her life, her first book, The Liar’s Club, soon became a New York Times bestseller. And things only got better from there.

Though I am a Baptist preacher’s daughter, my strongest sense of religion is perhaps my devotion to the written word. Nature is the only church I belong to. But finding myself at an all time low, I had nothing to lose by following her lead.

I began praying every morning, and meditating, even if for a few minutes. I didn’t know if I was doing it “right” by any dogmatic standards, but I was sincere in my practice.

Aside from praying for my loved ones (and sometimes my not-so-loved ones), I prayed to be my best self. I prayed for opportunity. I prayed to be given the chance to do good work in the world. I vowed that if opportunity was given to me, I would rise up to meet it. And I said thank you. A lot. No matter how bleak things were, there was always something to say thank you for. Months into this, what I previously considered my “luck” began to turn around.

After a solid year of praying, I am blessed with meaningful work. My dog has remained safely with me. My grandson came home. The violent neighbor got evicted – on Christmas. We were even “gifted” a free trip to Jamaica. Opportunities are coming my way right and left, so what else can I do but say YES to everything? I would be crazy not to.

Are these answered prayers? I don’t know. I don’t presume to be evolved enough to wrap my puny brain around the mystery of God. But what I do know is that words have power. Stating my intention every day changed something. I also observed that my days matched the energy I brought to them, and starting my day in quiet contemplation definitely brought good energy.

I have no evidence that there was someone listening on the other end of that cosmic line. The things I've experienced --gun violence, almost being killed in a fire, a catastrophic childhood, a father in prison -- sometimes made it hard for me to believe in any God, but my faith is stubborn. I have seen evidence of grace in my life. I have seen evidence of love, and of goodness. What else could God be but that?

So I will keep on praying. And saying yes. And saying thank you. And I suppose I should thank Mary Karr at some point.

*Another blog I wrote on The Power of YES.

The International Women's Day Hangover

Photo: Forbes Magazine

March 8th was International Women’s Day. I celebrated by surrounding myself with brilliant, strong courageous women who inspire me. From morning till night, I was in the company of estrogen-laced greatness. Yes I was giddy and uplifted by the love, encouragement, and beauty of these women. All day my facebook buddies were touting  how happy and PROUD they were to be women. Yay for us! I got caught up in it. You could say it was intoxicating.

And then comes the morning after, also known as… the hangover. And with it, the sober thoughts.

Yes, I love being a woman. Sometimes. And sometimes it just plain sucks.

How could I say such a thing? Because although I believe in the power of positive thinking,  I don’t want to be in denial about the hard truths. If we don’t acknowledge them, we can not change them.

So here is my list of womanly things that SUCK:

It sucks ….

That my son asked me the other day if it was really true that women are paid less than men and I still couldn't say, "No, honey. That was in the olden days."

That we are still fighting for control over our own reproductive rights.

That I’ve had to look over my shoulder all my life walking to my car or getting in an elevator because one in six US women are rape victims.

That my daughter has to carry pepper spray.

That women in so many parts of the world aren’t free, don’t have rights, are chased by the virtue police, have to wear burqas, are stoned to death for minor infractions that men get away with every day.

That 62 million girls are denied an education around the world: http://aol.it/1GeLdEN

That one in four women are victims of domestic violence.

That every 16 hours, an American woman is shot and killed by her partner.

That only 5% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women. 

That the US is ranked 104th in women's representation in government.

Oh yeah….and since I’m feeling cranky, these things suck too:

That women are expected to be eternally thin and eternally young.

The various woman-specific cancers for which research is under-funded.

Bras and high heels.

Okay I’m ranting. I’ll stop.

I’m just saying it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. We have to be better, fight harder, strive more than our counterparts. Here in the US, opportunity abounds and I can pursue any dream I want, but I’m still looking over my shoulder every time a new bill threatens my freedoms, every time a stranger walks behind me, every time I turn on the news and hear yet another report of a missing woman who happens to have a really suspicious creepy boyfriend, and I can never forget that women around the world are still oppressed.

Ever since Eve took the rap in Genesis, on some level we’ve been cowering, apologizing for our gender. We bought the lie, and forgot who we really are. I mean…think about it. We CREATE LIFE in our wombs! We are capable of connecting with others at deep soul levels. Our intuition is astounding. But in many ways we are still in that victim role. We haven’t yet stepped into our full power.

So yes, let’s celebrate, but not because the struggle is over. Let’s celebrate all that is good, the progress we’ve made, and the road ahead that we have yet to walk together. Let's celebrate our awakening. 

I am proud to be a woman, proud of all we’ve come through and survived, proud to carry the suffragette spirit in my veins, proud of all the women I am honored to call my friends. And I will be proud to continue to stand up for women, everywhere, until we are equal, free, and safe all around the world.

Happy Hangover Day.

We Are Stardust

Last week I had “one of those days.” You know the kind, where everything is going wrong and everyone is on your last nerve. Work was stressful, my kids were fighting, even my cats were fighting. Before I blew a gasket, I packed the kids in the car and headed off for yoga, breathing in and out, counting to ten.

I ran in and laid my yoga mat down, then rushed my warring boys off to kid-care in the gym. I returned just in time to see one of my fellow yogis literally pick my yoga mat up and toss it to the side, as she preceded to take my space.

WTF?

Breathing… I asked another woman who saw this if she would mind moving up about 6 inches so I could have someplace to put my mat. She said no. She needed all of the space she was occupying and all the space surrounding it.

Thus began my inner rant – dividing myself from “those people” – the ones who don’t get what yoga is all about. “Those people” I assured myself, “are ruining my experience, and my whole Saturday!”

I wanted to see myself as separate from these defensive, space-grubbing narcissists. But then I remembered that we are connnected…

Joni Mitchell sang it 40 years ago, “We are stardust…we are golden…”

This is not just some hippie-dippie statement full of moonbeams. There is actually some real science behind it.

Astrophysicist Neil de Grasse Tyson explains it this way:

“The atoms of our bodies are traceable to stars that manufactured them in their cores and exploded these enriched ingredients across our galaxy, billions of years ago. For this reason, we are biologically connected to every other living thing in the world. We are chemically connected to all molecules on Earth. And we are atomically connected to all atoms in the universe. We are not figuratively, but literally, stardust.”

In other words, I am connected to every person in this Universe, even the ones I don’t like. They way that I respond to others will affect me just as much (if not more) than it affects them.

So I breathed, and calmed myself and found another space to occupy.

People may have horrible manners and display sefishness, but we are connected. They are, we are, I am connected to everything in the universe, and made of the very same matter. Whether I like it or not.

And just when I want to struggle against the fact that this is true, here’s something else Tyson says, “The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it. ”