I hate the Fall. Even the word Fall indicates that you’re falling, falling into a deep hole. Not like Spring, whose very name inspires and gives energy.
Fall is the time that trees become barren and the landscape appears to be dead. Daylight begins to recede, and even in the middle of the day, the light is different, the air is different. It is absolutely still outside. You can leave your windows open all day and never hear a single bird sing. Or the wind howls angrily and creates all kinds of havoc. Fall makes a mess of everything.
Gone are the long, lazy days of summer. Gone are the barbeques, pool parties, block parties, summer festivals, concerts in the park, beach days, vacations, long hikes in the evenings…
Just beginning are attempts at any types of social gatherings that will be cancelled due to illness, overcoming illness, or avoiding illness. Just beginning are days of being trapped indoors with a sick kid, climbing the walls with boredom and depression.
We are only into our first week of Fall and already half my friends are sick. And this year we have the threat of swine flu hanging over our heads, and the volatile debate over whether to vaccinate against it.
In the Fall I get a pit in my stomach and a sense of foreboding. I contemplate my own mortality, I have terrible déjà vu’s where I feel like something bad is about to happen. Maybe it’s because 15 years ago our house burned down in the Fall. I wouldn’t think so, after all the therapy I’ve done, but I who knows. I hated Fall before then, too.
When our son Evan was born at the end of September, I thought I would finally have a reason to celebrate Fall, and not dread it. But Evan’s birthday comes just at the lazy end of our California Summer, not really yet Fall. I do fine through his birthday party, and then, as October rolls around and the end of daylight savings time looms ahead, I feel as though the air is being let out of my tires.
Fall is the beginning of flu season and fire season. Fall is nasty, viscious political seasons. Fall is Halloween, which I’ve never liked. Who started that holiday anyway? Who said I know…Let’s create a holiday around death, decorate our homes with skulls and bones, and for fun, let’s go around dressed like mass murderers carrying chainsaws….It’s not my cup of tea.
But hey, there’s something I like about Fall. A cup of tea. I think I’ll make myself one right now, to attempt to turn my mood around. And while I’m at it, I’ll force myself to list other things I like about Fall.
Wearing sweaters and boots
My red wool coat
Getting into jammies early at night.
My warm fuzzy bathrobe
Lots of candles
I guess that’s about it. Everything else about it kinda sucks.
Yesterday for Evan’s sake, I made a big deal about getting all the Halloween decorations out and decorating the front porch. And now, I’m going to begrudgingly go out and buy a Fall tablecloth and pumpkins, doing my best to be of cheer even though I feel horrid.