Friday, June 27, 2014

Live and Unplugged

In June, I was fired from a job that meant the world to me, and I’m in a lot of pain and confusion from it.  I decided to unplug from social media to take time to heal myself, and to re-engage with my life and my children in real time.

I knew I needed a major life shift when my eight-year-old son said to me, "Mommy, I don't mean to hurt your feelings but I'm glad you got fired. Now you can be my mom, again."

After I deactivated my facebook page, a few of my friends texted or called thinking I had defriended them -- I am truly sorry for this misunderstanding!

I'm spending my time doing yoga, hiking, meditating and doing a lot of praying to find clarity.

Facebook has too many painful reminders for me right now, but I really miss my friends. Please do keep in touch with me here or through email:

I truly miss seeing your pictures of your cute kids and fur-babies, and hearing about your good days and bad. 
This is where I have been:

Hiking in the Idyllwild Forest with my boys.

Laying in a chaise lounge, staring at trees and listening to the wind rustle their leaves.
Helping Troy build a treehouse for the boys

Finishing my book.

Sending you all so much love.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Everything You Done To Me

This morning I woke up remembering a powerful scene in the Color Purple where Whoopi Goldberg’s character Celie is finally escaping her abusive husband. As she is driving away, he comes chasing after her, raising his fist, but she simply puts her hand up to him, stopping him cold as she says, "Everything you done to me, you already done to yourself.”

And so it is.

If you are cruel to another person, you degrade your own spirit. If you are deceitful, you break trust with yourself. The fact is, everything you’ve ever done to someone else lives in you forever. I hope it’s kindness, love and compassion that you are doling out. If it isn’t, I feel very sorry for you.

Just the other day a friend reached out to me, saying someone had made her feel terrible, like a “third-class citizen.” And I told her that with every unkind word they said to her, every mean-spirited snub, they only diminished themselves, not her. People who are cruel are just broken people making others pay for their wounds. But you and I were made of the same stuff that makes the entire Universe. Literally. Whether you believe in God, a Higher Power, or science, this proves out. We were made by God, and no small, spiteful person can diminish what God has made. 

I was grateful to her for bringing that life-lesson to my attention. Little did I know I’d need the reminder just a few days later.

The injustice of life is that sometimes you can give your whole heart to something --give it the very best you have- and receive a kick in the teeth in return. This has just happened to me. Run-of-the-mill meanness is one thing, but betrayal leaves deep, devastating wounds, because it is a hurt that comes from people you loved and trusted.

I can't control what others have done, but I always have a choice in how I react. I can either become stronger in love, or crumble in despair. I choose love. When people are cruel, I have learned to put myself in my protective pink love-bubble and remember the words of Glinda the good witch, “You have no power here!” 

For every cruel thing that was just done to me, I put my hand up and I deflect with love. It is on the doer, not me.

LOVE WINS, and no broken person will ever convince me otherwise.

And thank God for the love of my husband, family and friends. They help me patch up that pink love bubble when I am weak.