A New Year, A New Beginning

For the past few years on New Year's Eve, I couldn't wait for the year to be over. They were years of struggle and challenge, lawsuits and deaths and restraining orders and floods and exploding plumbing disasters. But in these years, there have also been miracles. Every tragedy gave me the opportunity to grow my compassion. Every challenge allowed me to work my courage muscles. And for all the times I was stuck, I had to work hard to strengthen my wings- and that's a good thing. Maya Angelou used to say, when you are in trouble, say thank you, because there is already a rainbow behind the clouds. Just because you can't see it yet, doesn't mean it isn't there.

I don't mean to sound Pollyanna-ish. I don't love getting older, but I'm grateful that I'm wiser, and especially grateful that I'm healthy. I didn't love being betrayed and getting fired from my job this June, but I am so grateful now to have a much better job. I hate that my sister-cousin Tammey died, but I am grateful that I got to share so much of my life with her, and that I still get to love her and remember her and share my memories of her with everyone.

In writing FIRE SEASON, I could see clearly on the pages that when I looked at my life with gratitude rather than regret, everything changed.

I am grateful for everything this year. Grateful for learning, growing, new experiences, my husband and children, my amazing friends, this beautiful world that I got to explore. 

 What were you most grateful for this year?

Setting Intention for 2013

There’s a saying that however you spend New Year’s Eve will set the tone for the rest of the year. If that’s true, I’m screwed, since I rang in 2013 alone with the stomach flu. So far, the first week of 2013 has brought only disappointments and cancelled plans, and I was starting to feel superstitious. 

But then I remembered how terribly  2012 started out. On New Years Eve last year, our dear friend Susie’s son Gabriel, only 22 years old, died. We began the year in mourning, and sitting shiva. After making the three hour drive home from Gabriel's funeral, I got on the computer to check my email, which was when my daughter-in-law messaged to tell me that, basically, she and my grandson would not be returning from their visit to Japan. Ever. The next day, Troy and the entire Wilson Phillips band was let go by new management (so they could hire a “TV-ready band” for the new Wilson Phillips reality show). All in the first week of 2012.

But I know that what you focus on expands, and I didn’t want to focus on the negatives.

So I scooped myself up off the floor, got back on my proverbial horse, and made a vision board. I decided if 2012 were a proverbial horse, I was not going to be dragged behind it, hanging on for dear life. I was going to get up in that saddle and ride that biatch.

Let me tell you, intention is a powerful thing. Words have power. Stating your desires sets things in motion. First, Wilson Phillips fought their management and got Troy back in the band. Next, my son Taylor went to Japan for three weeks to try to bring his wife and child back. (He returned alone, but he made some progress in building a bridge.) Life was still a whirling, unstable fright-fest, but I stayed focused on my intentions, and things began to shift.

These were the intentions on my vision board:

To live in truth. Before you know it, Amy Ferris and I were being booked to teach workshops, helping others to live in and write their own truth.

Be a voice for those who have no voice. When Dancing at the Shame Prom was released in September, we became a voice for more people than we ever could have imagined. I also had a story published in the Power of Positive, which brought me responses from people all over the world, even Saudi Arabia where my story had been translated into Arabic and shared through email.

To finish my second memoir. I worked my ass off five days a week all year long and by the end of summer completed the book I’d started writing in 2010, What Doesn’t Kill You.

Romance and Travel to exotic places: Troy was able to come with me when I taught in San Miguel de Allende, which, by the way, is one of the most romantic cities in the world. I also tagged along on tour with him to California’s wine country and Seattle.

Answered Prayers: All year long, my daily prayer was to have our grandson back in our life. In October, Troy got a gig in the Phillipines performing with Wilson Phillips, and was able to fly to Japan (for free!) to be with our grandson.

Peace, health, love: I’d say these things were in abundance this year.

Anyhow, you get the idea. I stepped out of fear and into possibility, and while it didn’t solve all my problems, many positive things began to take hold in my life. All in all, 2012 was a year of huge miracles, huge losses, huge challenges, huge love and huge successes. It was a huge year.

So listen up, first week of 2013, you don’t scare me. I’m onto you. You come on tough, but I’m tougher. I have big plans for us this year, year of the snake or not. So look out because tonight, I’m making my vision board!

 

A New Year's Revolution

My 2011 Vision Board. Gotta say, most of it came true.

Happy New Year Everyone. It’s 2012 and I’m about to make my vision board for the year. Every year I ask myself what I really want from life. I think long and hard about it. Have you thought about what you want this year?

I’m not talking about your average New Year’s Resolutions…lose weight, quit smoking, blah blah blah.  I’m talking about what you REALLY want. What your heart wants. What your soul craves.

What is it you want from this life?

This is a question I began asking myself some years ago, and at first I found it really hard to answer. Try asking someone that question at a cocktail party. You’ll hear a lot of hemming and hawing, because really, how often do we sit down and ask ourselves what we really want?

We usually say things like:

I want to be thin.

Why? What is the feeling being thin would bring? How would being thin change our lives? Would we feel healthier, or younger, or have more energy? Would people love us more? Would we love ourselves more? Maybe what we really want is to be loved as we are, or to have better self esteem. Or to speak up when we feel something rather than suppressing emotions with food. What do we really want?

I want to be rich.

Why does everyone want to be rich? What problems would it solve, really? Would it give us the freedom to do the things we’ve always wanted to do? Like what? What are the things we’ve always wanted to do, and why aren’t we doing them? What would you do with all that freedom? What would you do with the money? Would it change your relationships? Make you more lovable? What do we really want?

World Peace.

How can we achieve world peace? Maybe what we really want is inner peace. Where can we start? What do we really want?

I think we get it all wrong. We talk about the outer things we want, the possessions, the conditions.  But we don’t acknowledge the inner - the underlying reasons we want those things. The seed of every desire is in our souls. That is where to begin.

My belief is that if we take care of the matters of our hearts, of our souls, the rest will fall into place. 

If we want more love, we must be loving and lovable.

If we want more money, we must value ourselves and make ourselves valuable to others.

If we want to be thinner, we must value our health enough to make changes.

If we start within, take care of our hearts, listen to our inner wisdom – our resolutions can become a revolution.

2012. It’s a brand new year. Our year. Your year.

So …what is it you really, really want?

Happy New Year Everybunny!

It’s the year of The Rabbit! Anyone feel like cuddling? According to the article in the New York Times today, the year of the Rabbit is associated with tranquility. I’ve never been familiar with Chinese astrology but in the wake of 2010, I say… BRING IT!

After last year, I’m ready to believe in anything. ANYTHING. For Troy and I it was filled with jaw-dropping bad luck; restraining orders, lawsuits, betrayal, death, and outrageous home disasters. For our close friends, 2010 brought death, divorce, health issues, and five friends lost their houses. FIVE. My Japanese daughter-in-law told me that 2010 was the year of the TIGER. Yeah, that makes sense. It was mean, ferocious and downright predatory. All I can say is…Year of the Tiger, don’t let the screen door hit ya in the ass on your way out.

Crisis brings out faith in people, and also superstition. Oh sure, it’s easy to scoff at superstition when your life is running all hunky dorey. But when you had a year like many of us, you start to wonder…did I break a mirror? Is there a curse on me? Do I need to call an exorcist?

Seriously. A lady with a black cat moved in down the street and I swear to you, every time I drove home that cat would dart across the road. One time, I saw it sauntering along as I rounded the corner toward home….and the race was on. This time I was determined to pass him before he could cross me. We made eye contact. Not this time, sucka, I said under my breath as I accelerated but sure enough, he darted right in front of my car causing me to screech to a halt. Cursed yet again! Or not.

At this point, my mind is open to any and all possibilities. Chinese Astrology? Sure, why not. Year of the Rabbit sounds soft and cuddly. It’s also supposed to be prosperous. Ooooh that makes me feel really warm and fuzzy. And, I’ve just discovered, at forty-seven years old, that I am a Rabbit- who knew? The last time it was “my” year was 1999. Now that was an excellent year! We bought our dream house, we renewed our vows on our tenth wedding anniversary, we had some wonderful vacations. Happy, happy, happy. That means this is going to be one lucky year full of possibilities and new beginnings. Deal me in!

Is all this stuff true? Who cares! It makes me hopeful and optimistic. Oh and by the way, recently I got a better look at that black cat, and it turns out he has four white feet. I’m no expert in superstition, but I think the white feet cancel out the bad luck thing. So it’s all good! Yay!

Aha! I finally have an explanation for my obsession with wearing Rabbit costumes.

New Decade, New Beginnings

As I shed the remnants of 2010 like a bad virus, I am giddily optimistic about this new year, and in fact this whole decade. At the same time, I feel big changes shaking things up...the foundation beneath me trembling...

Everything is about to shift.

I'm ready.

I spent last night writing what I want from this year, what I want to see happen in my life in the coming decade. In doing this journaling and meditating, I saw a huge flaw in myself. I really need to work on feeling I "DESERVE" good things to happen to me. The problem is, I expect the bad things. They're like an old shoe. I know how to navigate trauma. But the good stuff- I don't trust it. It can be ripped out from under you at any moment.

You see? That's the problem. Always waiting for that other shoe to drop- expecting it in fact. When I think of those who have achieved their highest dreams, I'm sure they didn't share my negative thinking patterns.

And yet look at the love that surrounds me. Somehow I must believe enough in that, because I am truly surrounded by goodness and love. How did I learn to believe in love? To trust in love and the goodness of people, even when I was shown repeatedly that people could be cruel, and betray you? How did I end up in such a beautiful loving marriage, when I only saw destructive relationships growing up?

It may have been this. For years- after being betrayed again and again by my own family and "friends", I PRAYED and journaled and posted on my wall and my bathroom mirror that I deserved to be surrounded by like-minded, loving people, who loved me and treated me kindly. I don't know that I completely believed it at the time...but I prayed and wrote it anyway....over and over, until it finally came to pass. It is a miracle, a prayer answered, that we all have one another.

Also, years ago I wrote "I am now open to the possibility of all my wildest dreams coming true". I posted it on my mirror, looked at it every day. That year, at 39 years old, I found my biological father and three brothers.

I'm ready to set a course for myself, to start praying more for goodness, and training myself to believe in it. I told Troy last night I've not felt in control of my destiny at all for the last couple years. I've felt like a leaf drifting on the river, going wherever it took me, which was often over the edge of the rapids. I want to now learn how to navigate my own boat. I know I can't control the river, but I can set a course, and learn how to paddle.

I am excited to begin the journey. And I will pray for goodness, and write it even when I feel doubt, keeping myself on course for miracles.

Wanna come?