Chicken Little Bought A Billboard

Have you seen the billboards? The world is ending on May 21^st, 2011. Seems the Mayans and Ashton Kutcher got it wrong. We have even less time than we thought to clean our closets, do our taxes, lose ten pounds ( I mean you want to look good for the Rapture)…oh yeah, and get that whole salvation thing happening. The billboards do offer this advice: Cry mightily unto God for His mercy, and while you’re at it…tune into FamilyRadio.com.

Seriously?

That is the most overused trick in the book these days…manipulate people through fear to boost ratings. WWJD? Your ass better HOPE he’s not really coming in May cause ooooowweeee, he’s gonna be pissed at you, Family Radio. If you think he got mad flipping over the tables in that marketplace, just wait till he gets wind of your scam.

Over 1,000 of these offensive billboards have gone up worldwide. Can you imagine the financial backing for this madness? 120 of them are in L.A., you know, where the heathens hang out. 

Turns out the character behind “family” radio is eighty-nine-year old Harold Camping, who, apparently, has a direct line to the big Guy. He previously wrote a book stating that the world would end Sept 6, 1994. Hmmm... I'm imagining the celestial phone call. Uh, yeah Harold? Listen, somethings come up. I'm gonna have to reschedule. I mean, really. How many times do you expect people to fall for this, Chicken Little? This end of the world stuff has been going on since the beginning of time, and I’m not buyin’ it. (See my previous blog: http://hollyedexter.blogspot.com/2010/12/end-is-nearagain.html )

Look, I’m all for free speech, but there have got to be limits.

It’s illegal to shout “fire” in a theatre, to crack bomb jokes in an airport, and to make death threats, so why is it legal to pump people full of false fear, to say on a billboard: You’re all gonna die in two months? And while we’re at it, why is it legal for politicians and journalists to knowingly lie to the public (Death panels, anyone) ? And why is it legal to spread nutball government conspiracy theories on television and call it journalism? Limits. I’m telling you.

Children are reading these billboards. My five year old reads, okay? If television limits what children are exposed to, then why not the same for billboards, and  the Westboro Baptist Church holding signs on the street that say “God Hates Fags”?  Don’t get me started on those guys.  First of all, I take offense to them calling themselves “Baptist”. My father is a Baptist preacher, and my two gay brothers are welcomed with open arms in his church. I know Baptists, WBC, and you sirs, are no Baptists.

When confronted with the notion that this might be a cheap publicity stunt, Family Radio spokesman Tom Evans replied, "What good would that do? If May 22nd comes (and Christ has not returned), we're just going to look like a bunch of idiots."

Well, thank you Mr. Evans for taking the words right out of my mouth.

( More info on this story in the L.A. Daily News: http://www.dailynews.com/news/ci_17485179)

It's the End of the World As We Know It....again.

Wow. I just read an article in which Ashton Kutcher was interviewed about his rigorous fitness training regime. He actually admitted that he was training for the End of Days, so he could protect his family when Armageddon comes in 2012. No, he was not joking. And he has, what - something like a million followers on Twitter?

Oh, brother. Here we go again…

The End of Days has been predicted since the beginning of recorded history, possibly from the beginning of time. I’m sure there were cavemen that predicted it in hieroglyphs on a cave somewhere every time a shooting star went across the sky.

If you are to believe the Bible in it’s literal sense, when Jesus spoke to his followers about the end of Days, he said, "this generation will not pass away till all these things take place" (Matthew 24:34). And yet, that generation did pass away, and those things did not take place. So Christians got loose with the translation, believing it could still happen at any time.

Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormons, said it would happen in 1890. The Shakers believed it would happen in 1792. Not so, said the Methodists – it will be 1794! Jehovah’s Witnesses said it would happen in 1914…on and on and on. And every natural disaster, earthquake, plague, war, was an indicator that the end was near. Don’t even get me started on how many times Pat Robertson has predicted it.

In my lifetime, I can remember hearing about it since I was a very little girl, practicing drop drills, huddled under our desks for when the A-bomb would eventually be dropped on us. And hey, how about the Cold War in the 80s….the huge Armageddon that was going to occur between Russia and the USA? It was all right there, predicted in the Bible…the “beasts” were the Eagle (USA) and the Bear (Russia). In fact, here’s an article written for the Atlantic in 1982- when everyone was preparing for the Armageddon of (cue scary music)…1984! I mean, even David Bowie sang about that one. http://www.theatlantic.com/past/docs/issues/82jun/martin.htm

How about that Haley’s comet scare that led all those nutty people to commit suicide? Oh and let’s not forget Y2K- that was going to wipe out computers all over the world, leading to panic and mayhem in the streets, ending the world as we knew it. Remember stocking up on fresh water and canned goods, just in case?

So now it’s coming up on 2012 and our doom is just around the corner….

Puh-leeze.

My prediction for 2012? Water distributors are going to make a fortune, and Ashton Kutcher is going to be really buff. Then 2013 is going to come around and we’re all going to start obsessing on some other possible date upon which the disaster could happen.

Here’s the way I see it. We’re all going to die one day and that scares the hell out of us. Because it’s not going to happen to all of us on the same day in some fantastic display of fireworks and battle of good and evil like a Hollywood movie. It will most likely happen quietly, when we’re old and frail and our body gives out. But we don’t like the thought of slipping away quietly into the night. We don’t want to believe that we’re really so small and powerless. Our egos need to feel that we are so fantastic it would take Armageddon to wipe us out- and then not even Armageddon, because many of us, (like Sarah Palin for instance) believe we are “chosen” and will ascend above the mayhem. And suddenly we feel more secure, more in control, superior even, because we know the end of the story.

Could that be it?

Here’s my advice: Live.

There is never any guarantee of security, or life, or safety. So just live.

We are all “chosen”. God made every one of us, and in doing so, God “chose” us to live.

So LIVE!

Live well. Love others. Be a good person. Live in possibility, not fear. Make the most of every day, knowing that we have no control over the Universe. Leave that part to God.

And get comfortable with living in the mystery, because as Shakespeare said, “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

And maybe stop following Ashton Kutcher on Twitter. Just sayin’.