Recently while hiking in the mountains, my friend Terrah and
I sat on a rock in the middle of a silent canyon and had a long talk. Both of
us had gotten to a “stuck” place in life, and we wanted to bust out. I was
telling her about a book I’d been reading (E Squared) where author Pam Groust
likens life to a skyscraper. Most of us, she says, are living on the second
floor, while everything we desire is on the 17th. But we’ve never
seen the 17th floor, therefore we don’t believe it exists. We also
don’t see electricity, but we don’t hesitate to turn on a light. We believe the
light will be there, and it is. So, I was telling Terrah, I have to get to the
17th floor.
“It’s not about getting to the 17th floor,”
Terrah said, “it’s about living there.” She explained to me that she teaches
her acting students to “inhabit” the person they want to be in ten years --walk
as that person, talk as that person, LIVE as that person. I was mesmerized- what a concept.
Later I talked with Troy about this. We’ve been hit with
some pretty big financial setbacks this year, and it’s had us feeling beat down
and defeated. So I told him what Terrah had to say about it, “How about we
start inhabiting the selves we want to be, right now? How about we live on the
17th floor?”
He said he loved it, and talked about who he wanted to be in
the future.
I said, “I think who you are now is pretty great.”
He said, “The guy I want to be is not worried about money,
spending all day writing a song about a hayride.” And this goes to show you,
it’s all in one’s perspective. I saw him as a success and he was feeling
like a failure.
“But…the way I see it, you are greatly successful!”
“Tell that to the mortgage company,” he said.
“But you write music that educates children, and helps autistic
kids. You just played a Wilson Phillips gig in front of 8000 people and opened
for Brian freeking Wilson. Why not
inhabit the person you are now?”
And of course he very sweetly pointed out that I could take my own
advice.
Ultimately we decided that while striving to inhabit our better
ourselves, we would be happy for what we’ve been able to accomplish so far in
our lives, and stand solid in our own shoes.
I mean, if you really stop to think about it, just look at
the things we’ve all accomplished in our lives. You, me, all of us. So many of
us have raised kids, taken care of a sick friend, survived cancer, built
a successful career, traveled, rescued an animal, been courageous beyond our wild imaginings…We
are teachers, friends, mentors, activists. Why don’t we give ourselves credit?
Why don’t we stand tall in our own shoes instead of wishing we were in someone
else’s? I think change comes when we take note of the things we’ve done,
reminding ourselves daily that we are better than we know. Rather than ignore our past successes, we can use them as touchstones to build future success.
So Troy had a gig in Vegas over the weekend. I tagged along
with Evan and Ayumu and we made a crazy road trip out of it. We kept ourselves
in a good mental space all weekend, and in spite of a few colossal challenges,
we stood steady in our own shoes. We walked a little taller and felt a lot
stronger. And when we got home late Sunday night, there was a box on the porch.
We rushed inside to open it were shocked to find that Troy had won an award
(proving my point that who he is now is indeed pretty great- thank you very
much.)
It was a Telly Award for his compositions on the ABCMouse
website. (Other recipients have included ESPN, OWN, Discovery
Channel and many more.) This came completely out of left field. We didn’t even
know he was in the running.
But this is the beauty of claiming who you are. Troy stood
tall in his own shoes and the Universe met him there. I am ridiculously proud
of him. For starters, I’m going to send this picture to the mortgage company.
Troy Dexter: "Award-winning composer" Yay!
*And thanks to Terrah Bennett Smith for starting a great conversation that had a domino effect...
