What To Do With a Rejection Letter

In Stephen Bishop’s guest bathroom, there is a framed rejection letter from Apple Records, saying that they found his compositions “unsuitable” for their catalog.

When you exit the bathroom and walk down the hall, however, you’ll see this -- walls lined with gold records that followed in the years after that rejection letter, as well as Grammy nominations, and an Oscar nomination for his song Separate Lives (performed by Phil Collins). Stephen has performed on Saturday Night Live, the Midnight Special, and in concerts around the world. In addition to his own top hits with “On and On” and “Save it For A Rainy Day” (with Chaka Kahn) his songs have been performed by Phil Collins, Eric Clapton, Barbra Streisand, Art Garfunkel, Steve Perry, Stephanie Mills, Kenny Loggins, Johnny Mathis, Phoebe Snow, David Crosby, The Four Tops, and Pavarotti. Apparently, his music was more than suitable.

I love that he framed this rejection letter for all his guests to see. It made me want to do the same. Last week my book Fire Season received an ugly, negative review on Amazon. Inspired by Stephen,  I posted it on facebook for all to see. (Maybe I'll frame it, too.) Having just been in Bish's bathroom, I  decided to laugh these negative words off. Just because someone doesn’t understand your art, your music, your writing -- doesn’t mean your work has no value.

When I first started sending Fire Season out, my own agent, at that time, passed on it. “It’s not a universal story. People won’t relate to it,” she said.

Another agent said, “No one reads memoir. Memoir doesn’t sell.”

A publisher said, “You’re not a celebrity, we can’t take a risk on it. Good luck, though.”

Just think, if every artist, writer, painter, poet, musician, inventor, comic, etc. listened to the voices of the “critics,” there would be no art in the world. No music. No books.

I believe every one of us should do our art, whatever form it takes. Write. Paint. Act. Invent. Brainstorm. Build. People will tell you it’s impractical, and a waste of money. People might think you are crazy, lazy, or irresponsible. You might even say these things to yourself (the inner critic is the worst). Do your art anyway. Do it, because it’s in you and no one else can do it like you can. Do it for no other reason than the joy of doing it. Do it, because in spite of the critics (who are most likely frustrated artists lashing out at others), the world needs your unique fingerprint.

Frame your rejections, and put them on the wall. I agree with Stephen, a bathroom is the most suitable place to hang it.

For Fun: Here are some rejection letters received by very famous, very successful artists: http://mentalfloss.com/article/55416/10-rejection-letters-sent-famous-people

Stephen Bishop is still writing amazing songs. Find them here: StephenBishop.com 

If at First You Don’t Succeed…

I recently read an interview with Kathryn Stockett, author of the New York Times #1 bestselling novel The Help, which is now being made into a film. She said her book was initially rejected by 60 agents and publishers.

60!

4 agents rejected my first book, and I went back to the drawing board to reassess. Maybe they have a good point, I thought. Maybe it really is too hard to sell a childhood memoir right now if you have no “platform”. In other words, if you’re not a celebrity or reality TV star, no one cares what your story is.

60 rejections. Wow. There is something about that kind of persistence that boggles my mind. When I get doors slammed in my face, I take it as a sign that I must be knocking on the wrong doors, or headed down the wrong path, so I retreat. But maybe I’ve got it all wrong?

Jack London received hundreds of rejection letters. In fact, he papered his study with them.

The movie It’s a Wonderful Life was a commercial flop, quickly shelved after it’s original release.

33 publishers rejected Chicken Soup for the Soul (who’s cryin’ now?).

Dr Suess’ first children’s book was rejected 24 times.

And…I love this one. Decca records rejected The Beatles- stating that “guitar music was on the way out”, and the Beatles had no future in show business.

I just finished reading The Help, and loved every page of it. It is a beautifully told story of race relations in Mississippi in the sixties, and the change that was coming. I do believe this book, even though it is fiction, has a lot to teach us, especially in parts of the country where racism is still prevalent. I also believe the movie will help to open hearts and minds. 

It left me wondering…what if, after, say…30 rejections, or even 59, Stockett had given up on this beautiful and important story? What if It’s A Wonderful Life got shelved forever? What if the Beatles took Decca records comments to heart, and their music never touched our lives?

I am now working on a second memoir that my agent is interested in and thinks she can sell. But what about my first book? What if I keep sitting on it forever, afraid of what may happen if I release it into the world?

So I ask you , dear readers, in your own experience, when do you try, try again? And when do you try another direction?

The Lesson

"Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss."

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Last week – ah, such a lovely miracle week that culminated on my birthday. It was the best. I was feeling strong, centered, enthusiastic and energized. To cap off the week - a wonderful Sunday dinner surrounded by my loved ones left me walking on a cloud. Then came Monday.

Remember when you were a little kid in kindergarten, and you take all this time to build a big castle out of blocks, only to have some mean bully come along and kick it over? That’s what happened to me spiritually this week. As this year mercifully draws to a close, I’m feeling shaken and fragile. But I decided to use last week to rebuild my reserves, to find my hopeful place and start again. It was working, too. I could feel myself getting stronger, getting back to my true self.

And then…WHAM-O. It’s amazing how we can be surrounded with love and goodness, but one act of cruelty can kick that tower of hope down so easily. It only took one person’s hateful words and judgment. It was someone that I thought loved me, someone who mattered a lot to me. Before I knew it I was physically knocked flat by a stomach flu that lasted three days, all the while her hateful words churning in my gut, and the why? why? why? circling in my brain… Add to that a spate of bad news emails of illnesses and deaths. Add to that two more rejection letters from agents. I was down, in the downest way. (Know what’s worse than getting rejection letters from agents? Getting them while you have the stomach flu.)

One of my girlfriends wrote me this morning from Arizona. Where are you? Why aren’t you blogging? I need some inspiration here! Girl, I hear ya, but hang on a minute while I crawl out of this hole and figure out what the hell just happened.

I’ve always believed that LOVE is bigger than FEAR, but I learned something this week. What we believe in most is what is biggest. For the past few days, I let that hate become bigger in my soul than all the love that surrounds me. Even though I knew they weren’t true, I let her words infiltrate me, inhabit me, fill my gut, my heart, my mind until I was physically ill. And then I was mad at myself for letting it happen. FEAR won.

So I got up with the sun this morning and spent some quiet time alone, looking for the lesson in all this ugliness. What I realized was that yes, sometimes I might be weak and let fear in, but I always have the choice to turn it around. I decided to let the LOVE in my life be bigger, let the LOVE consume the fear and the hate. I even imagined the love like a hungry little pac-man, gobbling up all her ugly words. I know I can’t control what someone says about me, nor whether they love or hate me, but I can choose what I believe in. I believe that I will be okay, no matter who hates me, no matter how many agents reject me, no matter if my own family of origin never embraces me – I have love in my life. LOVE. Love is the light in my life…and like the old gospel song says -

This little light of mine

I’m gonna let it shine…

This little light of mine

I’m gonna let it shine…

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine…